. greenpaint

Curry and Christmas

2011-11-28T23:39:00.001-08:00

Today was excellent. A good start, I'm thinking. I wrote a poem over lunch, I chased the sunset down on skis, Carrie (my housemate and oh so good friend) and I made Thai curry from scratch (*groan. wasn't the best, I'm not gonna lie) and then we rearranged our living room and decorated for Christmas! Inherited 'fake' Christmas tree, semi-terrible curry and all... I feel accomplished, challenged, and I'm actually having a load of fun : ).

twenty-five

2011-11-27T23:14:00.001-08:00

Last year during the week prior to my twenty-fourth birthday, I knocked on the doors of stranger's houses to ask, "what is your advice to a girl who has never been 24 before?" I wrote the various words of wisdom down in a notebook, which is now tucked away in the archives of my Ontario home. I spent the afternoon of my twenty-third birthday making bamboo fish with children in northern Thailand. My twenty-second birthday I remember as being a turning point; I decided that I would not be ashamed of the attention being pointed at me, and instead intentionally and thoroughly enjoyed the love showered on me by my friends, and family. It was a good turning point. However, every birthday is a bit of an identity crisis for me: am I where I want to be? Is this where I thought I would be at this age? Though I have a strongly held belief that our notion of age-appropriateness is determined by social constructs, I still struggle with feeling worthy and successful each third of December. This year, I find myself nestled in an orchard in the lovely Okanagan Valley in which I share an apartment with a high school friend. I work as a ski instructor/wax hound at Sovereign Lake Nordic Centre North of here, and enjoy the crisp blue skies and crunching snow high on the mountain each day above Vernon. This year, I've decided to challenge myself: twenty-five things to do before I turn twenty-five.

Incidentally, Dec 3rd is in 6 days. : )

1. join a flash mob
2. ~~make Thai curry from scratch~~
3. ski with a flask and friends
4. begin/acquire a sourdough starter
5. make a recipe off of the CBC website
6. make beer
7. tye-dye something
8. light a candle each night for supper (for the week)
9. ~~decorate my first Canadian apartment for Christmas : )~~
10. learn to ride the rollers (bicycle inside)
11. learn to can
12. make Christmas postcards
13. write a poem over lunch every day
14. take note of the sunset each evening (for the week)
~~15. try a new drink~~
16. make 25 Christmas cookies
17. plant something
18. take someone for a drink
19. go to an art gallery in Kelowna
~~20. learn a new game~~
21. make an advent wreath
22. bring baked goods to work
~~23. experience a new Christmas tradition~~
24. 25 intentional acts of kindness
25. blog about attempting twenty-five things in the week prior to turning twenty-five

So, there you have it!

Tonight, my housemate, Carrie, and I attended our Swedish friend's Advent gathering where we drank Swedish mulled wine (Gluug?), I learned to play the game Flux, and she told me about the Christmas traditions of Sweden while we listened to Swedish Christmas music.

[ps. this idea was inspired by my one of my fav blogs: www.kfar.blogspot.com]

What do you do to celebrate your birthday? Any suggestions on how I make my quarter-century a future favourite? : )

Thalita Shwe's Ministry in the Mae Sot Refugee Camp

2011-09-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

On Friday Sept 30th at St. Andrew's Church in Chatsworth, I will be taking up a free will offering in addition to speaking about my time in Thailand and my travels over the last few years. I've chosen Thalita Shwe and her ministry in the Mae Sot Refugee Camp as the receiver of our gifts.

This is the only picture I managed to get of Tae,
in front of the house that she hoped to turn into
a center for meeting, prayer, and training.
She's not a big fan of pictures.

I first met Thalita (or Taetae), on Christmas Eve in 2009. She had choreographed a Christmas dance with the other women from the Burmese Church I would continue to attend. Though I didn't have the fortune of meeting her that night, she had made a huge impression on me. Fate had it that two days later we were sat next to each other on the same bus heading to Chiang Mai; she because she had missed the earlier bus, and me because I had failed to convince the bus patron to give me a seat in an empty row, in the almost-empty bus.

Passionate about ministry, art, and prayer, Taetae came to Thailand from Burma/Myanmar when she was a girl, had attended University for English and handicrafts, worked as a translator for YWAM teams, plans to build a café/hostel/prayer house/discipleship training center next to the border in Mae Sai, and is currently newly married and living in the refugee camp in Mae Sot where she teaches the young women and widows there to sew and make handicrafts.

This week Taetae wrote:

"I'm still working with women in the refugee camp, they are so happy because they have income even a little money they get is better than have noting to do or no work to do. thing are slowly moving because I have no budget enough for the handmade. this year we only start with handmade cards. but we would like to do Bible bag or crochet too. in the future we need sowing machine too."

Mae Sot is on the Eastern side of Thailand

Right now Taetae needs money with which to buy craft supplies such as yarn, paper, material, and even a sewing machine. There are about 25 women who want to learn in order to make a small living in a place where work is nonexistent, but there is not enough room for everyone in her small house; she hopes to one day earn enough money to invest in a bigger bamboo building in order to facilitate every woman who wishes to learn. Her other hope is to donate a pig to the Church she attends in the refugee camp this Christmas, as it can also be used to generate a small income.

I have supported Taetae in the past; I believe in her work, her integrity, and her hopeful yet realistic posture concerning helping the Burmese people. I humbly maintain the hope that I might work beside her someday. She has been my friend and mentor, and I am so honored to be able to ask for prayer and contributions on her behalf.

Blessings,
Nicola

St. Andrews, Sept 30th.

2011-09-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

If you're planning to attend the evening event at St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church on Friday, September 30th at 7:30pm, I'd love for you to spend a few minutes to watch one or more of the following videos.

St. Stephen's University: My school that stretched my mind and my footsteps.

100 Huntley Street interviews SSU students

Why I got on board, and spent six months volunteering on the border of Thailand and Burma with DEPDC:

DEPDC fights to end Human Trafficking

Feel free to browse previous blogs; though somewhat dated, some say they are interesting ; ).

I love to speak, share stories, discuss, and answer questions, and am really looking forward to meeting each of you. Stay tuned for information on Thalita Shwe and how she will use the funds raised in the free will offering on September 30th.

I hope to see you all there!

PS. The reason heaven needs to meet earth in a big, sloppy, wet kiss... and why sometimes I cry:

Modern Slavery - Human Trafficking

'Frisco. home of the beats.

2010-12-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

I have one regret in the past ... year or so. That doesn't mean I haven't made mistakes. I have. But I've tried to rebuild/repair bridges soon after I foolishly burn them. Sometimes this makes relationships stronger. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the relationships graduate to the 'grounded in grace' stage, which seems to be a humbling/genuine/i can fall alseep crying on your couch kind of thing. I've made lots of silly decisions, but I can own them and let them go. I have only one regret. I regret not buying a poetry book from a homeless man in San Fransisco. His name is Ricky Teague, and I regret not standing with him for ten more seconds. Truly! Ricky Teague, you'll see him if you go. A voice like a dove and rusty railroad tracks. He tried to sell me the 'street sheet', a 'Frisco newspaper written and edited by the homeless in San Fransisco. Incidentally, my visa had been cancelled and an ATM machine ate my debit card, so I was left in San Fran with the little money I had left from my last transaction a couple days previous in Arcada, Cali. Arcada, where Rachel and I were approached by a couple at a mall who invited us to their beach-side house a couple miles away. Those kind of things happen when you have your house on wheels behind you wrapped up in a pannier. Their porch and windowsills were covered in shells and the like. They served us garlic zuccini and chocolate. On the pier in Frisco I pulled out the 'street sheet' Ricky Taegue had given me - given me, I had no money - and we sat on the papers while sipping red wine and tasting fresh sourough and exquisite cheeses, watching the sun drop below the bridge where the strings of lights glowed across the bay. I packed my bike up in the papers after that, tucked them caringly around the spokes and chain. I didn't read them after that. The funny thing - about trips that don't happen unless you decide to do them - is that the memories grow better with age. I'de pack my life in a panier again in a second. The destination is important (Frisco. home of the beat poets), but the journey - oh, the journey. Seals outside the tent camped above tide pools just outside a cliffed village in the mist; night riding - the unity of teamwork; cycling amongst giants each handplanted by God on rolling mountains; friends on journey and a mission to somewhere.

And now. I struggle to find the balance between inclusivity and boundaries, trust and naivety, risking and guarding. 'Tis the journey. But where, where, am I going?

in a pannier.

2010-07-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

Hi friends.

Such a long time.

A future volunteer at DEPDC Thailand had a look at my blog... and is excited to begin her own adventure.

Because mine is finished?

My heart breaks. Unrealized dreams, a hurt that continually seems to break open and infect itself.

Now I'm in BC. There are more Kiwis, Aussies, Brits, Scots, Eastern Indians, Filpinos, and 'Ontaribbles' here than British Columbians. Not an exaggeration. I feel like it's the lush green grass that everyone dreams of from wherever they came from.

I don't think I did, really. I think I just wanted to come and see what all the fuss was about.
I recently read a blog about a girl from Ontario who moved out here for a year, and was disappointed with her disillusionment. Perhaps I feel the same?

A lack of community, a lack of depth. No lack of materialism, moremoremoreishness.

It feels like it's time to go home.

Perhaps it's culture shock? Perhaps, to me, nothing in the world seems to make so much sense as to enable others. What's the point in anything else? You're still going to be bored. If you buy the boat. If you buy the yaht. If you buy the new bike - the grass is still going to be the freaking same colour! Darlin', it's not getting any greener!

I've fallen in love with the beats. The beatitudes are the only thing I'm reading in my Bible right now. Overandoverandoverandoveragain. The beats are a group of individuals lumped together under the name 'beat poet'. The urban beats. The beats from the North Cascades. A kind of contemplitiveness - reminiscient - or similar to - Thomas Merton. A group of more spiritual guys than religious, believing in the beatitudes.

I soaked... soaked in, soaked up, serving the poorest of the poor.
Now I serve the richest. The ones who can afford to pay 9 grand on a couple of kayaks to put on their 60' yaht. Should I laugh? Should I sneer? Should I throw up.

I quit my job. I was really good at it (the job. not quitting.). I remember people's names, what they tell me -so I can ask them about it next time they come in. 'It's a shame Nicola -we really like you here, and my customers really like you here'. The only job that turned me down after an interview was McDonalds. I like working hard. I can't do that job anymore though. I'm sorry. I'm sorry commitment. I tried so very hard. I came out here, when I was offered other better paying jobs, a rewarding writing placement.

Some friends from Ontario are driving out and we're cycling to San Fransisco together.
"Why San Fransisco? Why not san Fransisco, is really the only reason I can give. Destinations for cycling trips are less about the actual destination and more about the journey and the accomplishment when you actually arrive." A.H. (cycling friend. currently en route to BC).

This summer, I have learned how to change a bike tube, how to walk slower to use up time, how to bake a fresh loaf artisan olive bread. I went to Bikram yoga, kayaked ten days in a tow, and have learned to drink lots of water (also to use up time).

I have learned about the Beat poets though, and right now... that seems like a good as reason as any to have come out here. : ).

Maybe I don't need a reason. Maybe... I will just... be : ).

'on the way back'. a lovely concept.

2010-03-30T02:26:00.000-07:00

Katie Ironside has just pointed out that my departure from Thailand was exactly a year after I left the first time, with our class at SSU. I suppose this must have some unconscious meaning, yet eludes me at the moment and so will leave it as an interesting anecdote.

I’m currently in transit on my way back to Canada from Thailand. I’m in dreary yet lovely London at the moment, as ‘on the way back’ is a lovely concept when you’re on the other side of the world, and nearly everything except for Vancouver and Hawaii is ‘on the way’. I’m currently visiting with family and friends.

I’m up early this morning, hungry and thinking of all the Thai food I would love to eat... having an imaginary conversation in Thai with a food vendor in my head as I lie in bed, trying to come to terms with invariably losing this language that I’ve worked hard to learn. Such is jetlag. Yet, I did tend to wake up at 6am in Thailand as well.

croissants. yum. much better than green curry in the morning.

I will reserve the next blog for writing about my trip to Laos. Methinks it deserves some blog space : )

painting for peace

2010-03-16T06:06:00.001-07:00

Last Friday my CLC class of Novice Monks and I chatted about the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and what that means to us.

On Monday we finished our lesson 15 minutes after class was supposed to be finished. They had completed their 1 1/2 hour English exam (with flying colours... I just marked them) and listened to a song that my friend Andrew had made from a poem La (one of the students) had liked.

When class was over (late, as always), they still sat. Moei asked if we could read the four points of the UDHR again that I had introduced on Friday. We read them all together again, and I assigned their last journal article, to be handed in today, Wednesday. Just... their thoughts :)

Human rights have useful to people. If not have human right. It must be born sell people and buy people. The people not have rights. The people don't obey each other. don't understand each other. If not have nationality don't know who is who. who live where. If not have Universal Declaration if must born World War III. Universal Declaration important to people. - Moei

My country don't a rights and free. because. My country is communist. don't have dignity and rights. the residents of a country don't is rights election as not equal same other country. I wan my country Burma all people are born equal, free, and have dignity and rights.
- Dang

Tonight, Wednesday night, was our last night together. On Saturday morning I am leaving for Laos with the DEPDC team until I fly out next Thursday. We went over the tests from Monday, learned one more article from the UDHR concerning the right to genuine elections (in light of Myanmar's upcoming election), and then spent the rest of the class painting our thoughts towards the human rights lesson content. Dang said he had never painted before, and so we all learned together, how to mix colours, to clean the brushes in the water before we used them again, and how to spray the paper to make little dots all over (La had fun with this... he's the smiling one spraying his paper with green paint). They painted the little cd cases I had made for them (I burned each a cd of songs we had used in class) and pieces of canvas an artist had given me in Chiang Mai. Most of them painted the Shan flag. Shan is their nationality, even though they are from Myanmar. Because they're not ethnic Burmese or ethnic Thai neither country will give them citizenship. Here, they are termed, 'stateless', or 'undocumented'. There are many minority ethnicities/nationalities in Thailand and Myanmar, all whom aren't citizens of any recognized country. "If not have nationality don't know who is who. who live where." Hm. Man, these are some smart monks. I feel so honoured to have been their teacher. I hope you have also been blessed by the reflection, peace, simplicity, and quiet learning these teenage boys continually demonstrate.

exhausted quite.

2010-03-16T05:14:00.000-07:00

You know when you look in your mirror and think, 'oh, I forgot to wash off my mascara'. And remember, 'oh wait, I don't wear mascara...' *sigh. That was me this morning, even after my housemate let me sleep in until 10:30am... I don't think I have ever slept that late as long as I've been here. I feel exhausted in every sense, I am making lists upon lists just so I can cross something off and feel like I'm catching up with myself :).

This past week my kids presented the play we had been working on for the last couple months: the first every English play at DEPDC- this year, 'Peter Pan'! Our aim was to encourage the audience that English isn't so hard, and perhaps by seeing their children and friends speak it, they would try harder at their studies or, if they were one of the adults or parents in attendance, to join an evening class. It was very, very fun :).

Do you remember KiangSaen? She was one of my students in my evening classes... she went to Bangkok about a month or two ago with her brother, even though she didn't want to go. I hadn't heard from her and didn't know what she was going to do. On Sunday after Church I got a call from her for the first time since she left! She called to say she was safe and she was planning on coming back to Mae Sai for June to begin class at Mum Cherry's Bible College. Yes. Please Celebrate with me. Throw your hat in the air. And keep praying :).

After exams on Monday (yesterday) I went to Tachileik to visit with my friend Menut. I had brought her a birthday present. A single pearl on a silver chain. It was late... I always take a while to decide what to give. Menut is... lovely. She is strong and pure in heart. I want to learn from her, how to guard my heart. Once a man told me, when I had asked why he so persisted in pursuing me, that when someone finds a treasure, he sells everything else he owns in order to have that treasure... I wanted to give Menut a pearl so she would always remember that she is a priceless treasure. She started her first day in a seven-day prayer walk around her neighborhood this morning. Please pray for her safety as she walks each morning this week.

I love to go to her house... I love to sit on her porch and watch life go by. I adore that city. Her Mum wanted to give me something to remember Myanmar that I could not get in Canada... and so she had me choose some material that she had and made me my very only longi (sp?). The skirt that wraps around your waste... I adore it. It's lovely. I can't wait to wear it to Church on Sunday. This is her Mum making it for me. I am amazed by this woman. Amazed. I watched her fix her fence, fix her sewing machine, sew up a longi, make lunch- I kept telling Menut how her Mum was so similar to mine. I wish they could meet... I really do. Her Mum has started calling me 'Ackah', the third daughter. When I needed to leave to make it back to Thailand in time, she wrapped two hunks of salted meat together that she had bought specially for the occasion; newspaper, string tied tight, and a bag. A present for first mother, from second mother. So... as long as Air Asia and WestJet will let me take salted meat home in my luggage, I am bringing home a special present for you, Mum. A present for first mother, from second mother.

hm. she also offered her sandals to me after she saw mine... the hole in the sole of my left sandal is getting bigger... perhaps when an elderly single Mom from Myanmar offers you her shoes, it's time to invest in another pair :S.

class

2010-03-13T02:21:00.000-08:00

After reviewing directions and characteristics, we delved into the UDHR. First. history. Why do we need to declare that every human being has inherent rights? Made after WWII, country leaders intended to draw up a universal list of rights for all humanity, to ...

hm. after much board-sketching and charades, we all understood that we are talking about WWII. I drew out from them facts about the war: what countries were involved? what happened? I asked them about what happened in Germany, as the UDHR was largely a response to the atrocities committed during the holocaust.

nothing! wow. My monks had never learned this. But- I was certain-- I continued pressing the topic, giving more clues, even drawing the stereotypical face of Hitler with his moustache. Nothing. They'de never even heard his name before. Interesting- we get tricked into thinking that knowledge just comes with age... but it really does come with education ;).

After giving a brief overview of WWII, we talked about 4 articles of the Declaration. At the end, I asked them what they thought. There were wide smiles all around the table and nodding, 'very good, very good'. Moei said that if people do not listen to the rules there will be another world war.

Yes. He understands. The concept that where human rights are deprived, there is violence. Perhaps not direct violence, 'just' structural violence, but that if not creatively and gracefully dealt with, will transform into direct violence. People can only be treated as less than human for so long, and then their inherent right to dignity clicks in. Interesting.

That was a good class. It's always a good class when the teacher learns just as much as the students :).

The Summer Day, by Mary Oliver

2010-03-11T00:20:00.000-08:00

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

(stolen from Ashley Burtch's blog at http://ashburtch.wordpress.com/)

But I want to.

2010-03-10T10:09:00.000-08:00

pre-script: when did I get so controversial and opinionated? oh dear me.

I just watched Avatar. The media guy, Phi Kon, gave it to us today because it didn't have Thai on it. Blatantly illegal copies... good times :S. The last time I went to Chiang Mai I met an Akha natural healer on the bus on the way there. He works at the Akha Association in Chiang Rai. He told me to watch it, as it is supposedly packed with symbolism, about colonialism, about human rights. He was a great man... the only guy in six villages to graduate from University. He had a quiet peace about him... very calming. He is working on health education media projects within remote Akha villages.

I'm not sure if it directly correlates... but I want to write about last night. Last night we (the vols) were invited to our friend's NGO, called 'Ban Doyy' (spelled weird here for google sake). Ban Doyy is a healing centre for kids affected by HIV AIDS, and was started by two European women, Phi Kate and Babsi. My friend Gaywaa and went to the lake for the afternoon, so he came along for the campfire at Ban Doy as well. I was ... accustomed. sort of. with the Thai perception of 'Burmese', but I'm still shocked every time. Once when Gaywaa dropped me off from dinner with Mum Cherry I invited him to meet my land ladies. He asked if they were Thai - 'yeah' - okay, I think its better if I leave... whhattt?? I am thankful for my Canadian education (and also the culture/education of my family probably too) that I firmly believe that we are all equals. Firmly. I know the hurt and the stereotypes run deep, but arrogant people with narrow minds who choose not to listen to common sense - I feel sorry for them. From Phi A, my land lady, who has warned me repeatedly not to be friends with people from Myanmar, 'Phi Nicci, they are not kon Thai (Thai people), you cannot trust them', to Phi Kon, Phi Kate's Thai boyfriend who also lives at Ban Doyy who refused to recognize a word that came from Gaywaa's mouth, harshly and sarcastically repeating that he doesn't understand him, to the eldest girl staying at Baan Doi who also refused to let the other kids talk to Gaywaa. Oh, dang. I had no idea. I know I need to recognize the conflict and spite between the two countries... but I just really thinks it's so stupid. Especially when people heap a whole country's stereotype on one person. Gaywaa's not even Burmese, he's Karen - he was forced to learn Burmese in school, as they had banned teaching the minority dialects. Anyway. I don't know how much that has to do with Avatar. But... it feels like it does a bit. The other day Phi A (land lady) struck up the courage to ask me where my 'Burmese' friends were, and even that I could invite them to be with us. I know that took a lot of pride-swallowing and open-mindedness on her part, and I am grateful for the effort. I'm glad I don't have to jump over hurdles to believe in an other's dignity and equality. But just as I was educated in that way, they were educated differently, so one cannot blame them- something so contrary to common sense could only be institutionalized and force fed. Hm. Though... I may get slightly offended when someone assumes I am from America. I think I do it more for fun though... and now I shall stop. I'm sorry for being narrow minded for the sake of my humour and my pride. Encouraging stereotypes and disrespect - just. really. doesn't. help. anyone. Prejudices aren't a fact because you learned them, they are the material of ignorance; the failure to self-reflect and find creative solutions.

I am speaking out of line... I don't understand. But I want to.

Thoughts from here #2

2010-03-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

Some Hmong needlework designs I found in a shop in a border town near Laos on Saturday. Beautiful.

Having fun on the back of Sarah's motor-cy on the way back from an other friend's wedding on Saturday. I can't believe how much fun I have missed out on by just realizing now that I can make faces in the back of Sarah's shiney helmet! H'amazing.

On Sunday after Church I was looking forward to spending an afternoon at the lake with Gaywaa and some others, and was disappointed when he had to change his border pass instead. But then, my friend Thae Thae called and we spent the entire afternoon chatting and praying together. She was off from YWAM translating duties for two days and made the trip up to Mae Sai. She is the one I met on the bus down to Chiang Mai on Boxing Day. Last month she started renting our Church's old kindergarten building in order to transform it into a youth drop-in centre: a place for people to pray, to sleep, to learn, to laugh, to cry, to be. This is the beginning of her dream we talked about on the bus! She gave me a tour of the run down building and we prayed over it. Wow. This place is perfect. Really. Really really. Close to the border, right downtown and behind the market, yet quiet. I'm sold. This is the front of the building- it's shaded by overhanging vines and is private from the street by a bushy bamboo fence. It's so beautiful... in a yearning to be redeemed kind of way :). We sat in a cafe and talked about what her next steps will be. I wrote down a list of things she needs to include in a letter asking for a sponsor/sponsors. She will send it to me when it is finished for me to proper-English-ize. Oh wow... I want to be part of this. I want to paint the building and have a paint fight in 6 different languages, I want to help her design a cafe under the vines, I want to plant a garden on the wide ledge next to the laundry balcony, I want to clear the backyard and plant vegetables.

embrace of grace #5708

2010-03-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

"God cares way more about me getting to know Him than what I can "do" for Him."

Wise words of the day from my friend Geoff. He is in Africa as an International Development Studies intern. You can find his blog here.

http://pilgrimperspectivesfrompemba.blogspot.com/

It's neat how we are both learning this simple gospel fact in places that would stereotypically need our 'help' the most.

Yesterday I went to a wedding at the Burmese Church. My friend All Rain's wife ran up to me after the service and gave me a big hug. I'm SO glad she speaks Thai... I feel like we share a secret language in a sea of Burmese speakers. I had been looking for her in the congregation but couldn't find her-- and was overjoyed that she had come and I got to see her again. After hugging and chatting I turned to All Rain and exclaimed, 'your wife is beautiful!' I so, so yearn to be here longer to establish a real relationship with her... I feel like we could be like sisters. God definitely has a sense of humour. Praise His name.

I am trying to read the beatitudes every day of lent... and the more I read them... and the more I live... I'm beginning to think he was actually being completely straightforward and serious... so blatant its almost funny.

soaking.

2010-03-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

I think I’m soaking again... ;)

I get in a bit of a phase before I leave or go anywhere. I intentionally open up all my senses and... soak. So much of the time I’m focused and business-oriented, unconsciously blocking my senses out unless I need them to accomplish my goal. When I am preparing myself to leave somewhere though... I want to remember the smell, the feel, the sounds, my mood, the atmosphere. I can take myself back to a canoe trip on the Spanish river, swimming down the rapids in the sunset. I can re-experience the last night of our time alone on the Buffalo River in Arkansas, before I and the Summit students joined the staff and interns again. I can feel the wet mud soaking through my clothes on my last mountain bike race, and the taste of coronation chicken atop chalk cliffs on my last day with my mentor in England. I can smell the scent of wet leaves as I walked along our country road for the last time before our house would be sold while I am away. And now... I’m soaking. I feel like I have trained myself to soak continuously. My friend asked me why I haven’t written a blog recently... I think it’s because I’ve been soaking? Soaking up the smells, the laughter of friends, the calls of children, the facial expressions of my monks, the cloudy stars, the crickets, the smell of incense. My heart groans.

I’m leaving Mae Sai in three weeks... mmmmm and I’m soaking it all up : )

Mango season has arrived in all it's glory.

Hanging bananas on our window to ripen. Did you know if you hang bananas they don't go black? genius.

Oranges and Pomegranates

2010-02-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

Last night I came down with a buat hua (bad headache) and a kaw jep (sore throat). This morning when I woke up after 10 hours of sleep I felt like the neighbour's pregnant cat had crawled into my throat for a nap. I attempted to read out stories, poems, and quotes on peace as well as Olympic medal results and weather updates (the smog is coming!) on DEPDC's Child Voice Radio's English hour this morning... only to realize I had forgotten to turn the mic on for the first half hour (I was actually so pleased with how I reacted to my mistake. Laughter is good for the soul. No need to get upset over something you can't help now. Thailand is good for me I think.) I went to a the Muslim restaurant for lunch and the spicy 'kaew suoy' mixture of noodles and chicken soothed my throat as I read some Paolo Coelho and guiltily waited for a beggar to leave.

Sometimes I challenge myself. If I can't provide a meal to a beggar, than I look him or her in the eye and tell them not today. Ignoring people completely is an insult to human dignity. And then they wait. Sometimes for five solid minutes. And sometimes I just use it as an exercise to not be pressed into something by guilt. I know that sounds terrible... but begging here is a huge trafficking problem and unless I know them I will not give them money. It's making me really look at why I do things (guilt doesn't seem like a good reason to do something).

I wandered the market feeling lonely and harassed by the vendors... though I get a kick out of answering in Thai when they greet me in English. I bought a lovely pink shirt. *gasp! Pink! I know. What is the world coming too? Don't worry... it has lime green swirls :).

Oranges. Pomegranates. Ptolamais (fruit) from the market eaten in abundance will chase my cold away.

I visited my friend the elderly Chinese man who owns a bag store in the market, sat and drank tea with him for while, and then went to drown myself in the comfort of an earl grey tea at the cafe while reading my online uni texts for this week. 'Interpersonal Conflict'.

I snapped a shot tonight in class... my new Burmese bag stuffed with school books and others. What I'm reading right now: The Valkyries by Paolo Coelho, and Punk Monk by Pete Greig and Andy Freeman.

"The best part of my day was when Nong Eh and I sat on the wall watching the sunset before English class"

At the end of every evening class we talk about the best and worst parts of our day.

After class Nong Eh (eleven years old. hilarious. but just... a little girl) turned up with a massive cup of water and pill that was for fevers. 'Gin yut yut!' (drink up!). We crept out on to the ledge on the roof, I played with her hair and we talked about the stars and about life. This Nong A playing on my bike while we waited for the bus together last week.

It's about that time again! With one month left, I must deal with the ensuing problem of where to live next. It's looking like tree-planting again. Learning French again... and biking to school in August. I was offered a job in BC at a river/camping outfitter's shop with some of the sweetest people in the world. I was contemplating today whether my decision to go tree-planting is a self-sabotage. You know when things are going really super well and you unconsciously think that you don't deserve it, and then unconsciously almost punish yourself... because you think things couldn't possibly keep being this good, so you decided to control it and bring it down yourself, you know? Oooo--eee! (<-- Thai idiosyncrasy I seemed to have picked up) I feel like I am a much harsher critic of myself that God is. He already paid the price, and living like He didn't doesn't help anybody. Cheers to shining and being a lamp and daring to squeeze out life like a lemon. Mm. who doesn't like lemonade now, really? I'll have to think about my summer a little bit more: living on a river in a kayak is truly tempting... but school needs to be paid for as well.

All Rain's wedding is tomorrow. I'm going to a pull a 'Grade 2 photo day' trick and braid my hair tonight so it will be curly in the morning :).

Eagerly awaiting mango season- the mangoes in the market are slowly becoming yellower and yellower... maybe in two weeks?

For now: At LEAST two days ahead filled with oranges and pomegranates. Lovely.

God bless you today :)

2010-02-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

The smog is coming! The smog is coming! It seems as if the grey horizons are going to swallow the gorgeous blue winter sky whole in maybe a week or so? *sigh. I'm a sky person I think... often my attitude is dictated by whether there's a blue sky or not. Maybe that's why I'm so happy here? Constant crystal clear blue skies...

My time is almost coming to an end here. I'm leaving for KL to visit my friend Clarice on March 25th before going to England to visit the grandparents, and then home. I'm writing in the morning before school... with a hot cup of tea in a lime green mug, and a bowl of muesli drenched in milk topped with honey and bananas... in a lime green bowl ;). My laundry lady just popped by to collect laundry money. I had been to visit her on Monday night to give her some flowers for a late Valentines gift... the ladies who work at my favourite food stall had bestowed me with bunches of flowers (oh, the generosity. Even after sharing with the laundry lady a big bunch of carnations and pink roses sit on the head of my bed)-- this morning she came bearing little pastries for my lunch. She knows I will be leaving next month and today asked how many months I will be gone for... 'gansiksaw kong Nicola yang my set' -' my education isn't finished yet' - I will be gone for at least 20 months. Her broken little old lady glasses fogged up and she started to cry... she said she had been thinking and thinking about it for the past couple days and it had given her a 'buat hua'- a headache.

In the last couple weeks I feel like I've aged a year. A student in my evening class decided she wanted to follow Jesus instead of Buddha and became a Christian. My friend Orang was forced to have a shotgun wedding - happening this coming Saturday - as he had been found kissing his girlfriend in her house. Anger to dissappointment to unwavering love and support. I also got baptized at a dump in Myanmar last Saturday. I wrote a massive e-mail about it but its too big to put up on here... please let me know if you'de like me to send it to you... it's a pretty cool story.

Yet... even though my life seems so busy and dramatic and - I would say lovely - still.. the most favourite parts of my day are... hm. the sun rays that comes through the slats in the bathroom in the morning. The little ledge on the roof I can sit on at the centre after evening classes to watch the stars. Chatting to a teacher at the Burmese school. Washing my feet in the evenings. Listening to crickets as I fall asleep. Fallen flowers on a path.

God bless you today :)

being consciously

2010-02-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

I sit here, computer in typing distance, text in reading distance, and food in friend distance. Milk and cookies make me feel less alone, and like I have an alternative to my present reality. Like if I should decide at any moment that I am quite bored with this or don’t understand, I can subject myself to the glory of chocolate and milk.

(in-between-the-lines thoughts while making text notes on an online class reading)

(thanks to my monks for treating me to a gift of chocolate cookies. yum.)

from inward/outward

2010-02-08T16:59:00.000-08:00

Becoming the World

By Henri J. M. Nouwen on 02-04-2010

When I really bring others into my innermost being and feel their pains, their struggles, their cries in my own soul, then I leave myself, so to speak, and become them; then I have compassion. Compassion lies at the heart of our prayer for our fellow human beings. When I pray for the world, I become the world; when I pray for the endless needs of the millions, my soul expands and wants to embrace them all and bring them into the presence of God. But in the midst of that experience I realize that compassion is not mine but God's gift to me. I cannot embrace the world, but God can.

The Genesee Diary

e-mail to myself.

2010-02-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

You can do it Nicola! You can do it.

Remember. You have GOOD ideas, even though you can't always see the big picture you've got the little steps really well! You can't do everything, but what you can do, you will do. Use your trusty Canadian education, and always act out of your firm belief in equality and human rights! woop woop!

-yourself.

(an e-mail I sent myself while I was sending attachments. and then realized I was actually writing an encouragement note to myself... and thought it was too funny not to share. You should try it. What would you write in an e-mail note to yourself?)

just news

2010-02-04T22:24:00.001-08:00

Holler friends! If you're not on my e-mail list and you want to celebrate with me, comment to tell me you want me to send you an e-mail ;).

My evening class of monks (which keep expanding... :S) and my friend KiangSen, who attends from the local jewellery factory.

On a side note, I also ended up entering into a race last weekend (of which I am still feeling the painful side-effects from... I couldn't even ride my bike earlier this week. This is what comes from not training), the 'Mai Sai Mini Marathon'. I had a lovely time and actually ended up winning in my division! I also got to see more of Mai Sai as we ran along the little mountain side-streets (also very painful hills). In the picture you can see Lois, a missionary's daughter from Singapore who attends the Burmese Church, Elphia also from Singapore as a missionary, myself, and the race coordinator. It was a lovely time of making new friends and having fun with old ones :).

monk journals.

2010-01-31T00:14:00.000-08:00

Monk journal update:

From Moei (second from the left), Thursday January 28th.

I have two are cat. they are friends with me. I give them food everyday. When I sad I have them play with me. They are pretty and they are help each other. They are play with people everyday.

When I watches news on the t.v. I saw earthquak in Haity. many people die. When I watches. I am feel sad and people poor in the Haity.

From my new student, Yeejun (not in the picture), Friday, January 29th.

I'm Yeejun. I have many friends. They are very good my friend. Sometime I have homwork they help me. Sometimes what they have I help they too. My friends are they live in Wat Pha Thak Mae Sai. I love they very much.

Pringles and Canadian idealism

2010-01-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

I did it. I clicked the 'new post' button. :) I am so proud of myself!

I struggle; with a contradiction.
Mrs. Barth said that we're all equals.
No one is better or worse than anyone else,
Colouring the white face beside the black, beside the brown.
'Red and yellow, black and white, we are precious in his sight...'

My mind adamantly screams, 'we are equal!'
yet my friend Menut, tells me again how blessed her family was to have me in their house.
me!
That her Mom never believed they would actually have a foreigner in their house.

My mind stubbornly states, 'there is no different between me and you!'
and I can say that, because I'm richer than they are.
If they were to say that, it would be a joke. and they would laugh.
and we would hide the UDHR behind our backs, smile nervously, and back away.

Ach! I'm not trying to write to rise emotions. I just don't know how to deal with what I see here. I've decided I don't have culture shock, I culture fatigue. I'm tired from seeing so many kids not loved. From seeing so much in justice. As an educated Canadian, I'm exhausted from seeing so much inequality. Though, probably not as tired as my 'equals' here who work long hours building houses in flipflops, or who drag bags of recycling across the city with a baby on their hip to make the 10Baht or so from a bag of bottles, or even those who cook noodles all day to make a pittance.

It's just that... we all like to hear something that makes us feel good, but there's so dang much in the world that we just can't feel good about.

Did you know that there are 300 million people in China who make less than one dollar a day? Phew! That's ten times the amount of people IN Canada! I always said, 'well, that's not that bad, their currency is worth a lot less than ours.' But... even on the other side of the world you can barely keep from starving/freezing on one dollar day. And it gets really cold during the winter. To fight for the right to live is a little less than the full potential available for humanity.

So, as I walked home from Tesco Lotus on a depression-fueled shopping trip after I had visited an other NGO kid's shelter this morning, I devoured a 'convenienze-sized' packet of Pringles, and two cinnamon buns. I also bought TimTams and a little container of Yeast, so I can attempt to make bread in my little toaster oven. I walked past the school where two girls I know attend, who shouted out their classroom window, 'Phi Nicci!! bai nai?' (Older sister Nicci! Where are you going/whats up?). I also met the man down my street who always attempts to speak English to me and who actually kind of creeps me out a bit... he asked me where I had been, and that he thought I went back to 'America'... 'no, no, I haven't... I bike here every morning and every night, like usual... 'okay, see you later...' So, I walked on, him with a dejected look on his face like he had been waiting to talk to me for 3 weeks and I had just blown him off, and depressed me with my outrageously priced bag of potato chips feeling like I don't know how to do anything right. *sigh.

And that's where my head is at :).
I'm not usually sad. I'm usually quite happy. Tired, but happy.
But, sometimes reality hits me.
That we're all not living adventures, and when I go home in two months, they will still be here. Year after year. That they're not just playing parts in a play, and I just happened to get a sweet role. Hm.

These are my grade ones :).
When I get depressed about the inequality of life I like to go on my friend Katie's blog at http://kfar.blogspot.com/ . She lives in Budapest and she creates stuff. And it's refreshing.

I also bought a chocolate chip cookie mix today and am excited to see if I can make cookies in my toaster oven... :)

oh fun :)

2010-01-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

Cycling back from dinner on my little blue one-speed with the passenger seat. Sarah sped ahead on her motorcy. I wrinkled my nose, and my muscles rose to the challenge; half way home Sarah had stayed the same distance ahead of me as when I had decided to race her... ‘Nicola, wouldn’t it would be nice to pedal home slowly and enjoy the evening?’. A grin stole across my face and a terribly embarrassing giggle erupted out of me (if anyone had been there to hear it), and I retorted to myself that I am fully enjoying the evening. My eyes on Sarah’s motorcy, I calculated every rise and fall of the road. I can pretend that I know exactly when to pedal and when not to in order to go as fast as I can. On my little too-small blue one-speed with the passenger seat. These tires stopped only seconds after Sarah’s. Collapsing with both fits of laughter and muscle aches in front of the gate... that was so fun. ‘I’m sorry... I didn’t know we were racing’. :) . Hehe... if you had, it wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun.

Last night I went to my Burmese friends’ house for dinner again. I adore them. Orang and I got to talk again over dishes... I’m so glad they let me help wash dishes. The best conversations start while washing or drying dishes I think. Or piling logs. Hm, anyway I asked all about his family, about his siblings, about what his Mom was like before she died last year (of Cancer I think). And then he let me listen to a CD he made when a visiting Australian came and recorded his songs for him. I can’t wait to have you listen to this music... I can’t describe it. I can’t carry on a conversation worth anything when he sings; we just sat there, drinking coffee and listening. He told me about each of his eight siblings, and what they do now. His oldest brother went to work in the fishing industry down South, and I asked if he had ever been to visit. He said that no, he had left when Orang was two and they had never heard of him since... that means he left when he was 10 or 11 years old. Trafficking for the fishing industry is huge here too; they take boys from the rural north and have them swim to untangle fishing nets... but most of the time the boys can’t swim (clearly, because they live on rural farms) and the death toll is huge. That’s just so crazy to me... how normal it is... for kids to not even remember their siblings names... I also found out that his name is actually ‘All Rain’, and is only pronounced ‘Orang’. He said his grandmother had been taught English by the colonists and when it was raining profusely on his birth, decided to call him, ‘All Rain’. Sweet name.

I received an e-mail after the earthquake in Haiti about the risks inherent to all the abandoned, orphaned, and unstable women and children there and how agents of trafficking have flocked there to take advantage of people in their dire need. Oh... *groan... please Lord, care for your people in Haiti... and press us to pray, more, more, more.

Still enamoured with my bright blue bicycle with a basket, and proudly the only one in town who wears a helmet while riding a bike (even after a Thai stopped me and told me it wasn't necessary),

Nicola.

just thoughts.

2010-01-14T09:39:00.001-08:00

I had dinner at my Burmese friends' house tonight :). I also started teaching at the little Burmese migrant school today. I will teach Monday, Tuesday, and Thursdays from 12:30 until 3:15; grades 3 and 4. I also convinced the teachers at DEP to allow me to have the grade 2's and 5/6's every Wednesday afternoon so we can prepare a Peter Pan theatre production for the end of term.

It was so cute today... I don't know Burmese (only a few words) so I must only rely on charades, my drawing abilities, and their english to communicate with my students at the little Burmese school. One girl stood up and held her index finger to her lips, and motioned that she wanted to go out. I allowed, and a couple minutes she was at the door again with her finger to her lips. I couldn't understand what she wanted, and had to call an other teacher over-- in the end all she wanted was permission to come back in the classroom! Wow. Totally different culture. I don't understand anything all over again :S.

-- The picture is from the night of Burmese Carolling --

I sat with my Burmese 'Karin' friends Orang, Gaywaa, Menut, and Seng tonight after dinner in their little kitchen at the Bible College that they go to. There are... four students. Menut is the translator because Seng doesn't speak English very well. An other student lives in Tachilek (border town just across the river in Myanmar) most of his time because he is planting a Church in the dump there. It is a Bible College, but's its in like... a big house :). I think I'm fond of those kind of places ;). Anyway... I'm at a loss. I think I need to phone up my friend in Chiang Mai again- the one who's married to a Burmese 'Karin' woman. I just want to be friends... yet... we live such different lives. I am becoming more and more ashamed of my white face. I want to kiss their feet; declare that I don't know why I was born in Canada, that I don't know why they were born in Burma. Why I can travel the whole world with the money I made in two months, and they will never be able to leave Myanmar for more than six days. Why Menut only had one set of clothes until she was in high school, why I can speak the most influential language in the world without any effort or cost, why... *sigh.

I posted my message.
and then have come back and edited it. I deleted more than half of it I think.
Is that allowed?
Can I edit my thoughts to you?

I'm scared to appear dumb. Scared to admit that I'm falling in love with these people. Scared of my own cowardice by only commiting six months. Scared of going back to my own life in Canada and leaving people here, as an adventure, as 'real live Burmese people', as blog stories, as characters in a BA thesis... to have the freedom to come and go... it kind of makes me want to throw up. How can I leave these people and just go back to my life? I also deleted garble about how easy it is to love people when you know you have a time limit and how hard committed loyal relationships are. I am not worthy or experienced enough to represent either subject.

Just weak, just ordinary, just trying, just like you,
nicola

Today.

2010-01-08T06:26:00.000-08:00

Today I saw grown men, maybe fifty years old, playing hackey-sack with a woven wicker ball better than any boys I've ever seen. They were giggling and laughing and teasing each other; men coming from all directions to play a hilltribe sport they all learned when they were young. I watched in fascination.

Today was Children's day: 'wan dek', in Thai. All the kids brought a present to school to exchange. Last night I bought a little red fish and fish food to wrap up for a present. I waited all day and was so excited that one of my students- a careful, patient little girl, picked my number and I could explain to her that she needed to feed it 6 pellets twice a day, and that I have one just like it and like it a lot. She cradled the little package in her arms, unwrapped except for a little window in the top, like she was carrying her most precious possession. :)

Today I taught my monks. Oh my, they make me laugh so much. I collected their journals tonight and have to share a couple exherbts...

from Moei's, about his family:
My family have five people. My father, my mother, my brother, my sister, and I. My father and my mother they are farmer. My brother and my sister they are painter. And I, I am a monk. But my family happy so much. I love my family so much.

From La's, after the only evening of my class he has ever missed:
Today I am waking up morning and breakfast with my friends. I went shopped with my friends and I went not to the school I am sorry teacher. I had a good day. How old are you?
(oh, when I read this I teared up; wow, La cracks me up so much!)

Today as I waited for them to finish an excercise... I just... oh. I can't imagine leaving them. I adore them. I've been realizing more and more that I am falling head over heals for my students. I care about them, about where they're going to go in the next couple years, about their thought processes, about their lives. La told me he wanted to be a police officer tonight. Thailand needs good police officers, but its very difficult to be a good one in Thailand... it seems the occupation is based on bribery and manipulation here. Today I went to my little group of food stalls again and Naun wasn't there... I asked and they said she left. *sigh. I asked the fruit lady (who gave me fresh fruit for a New Year's present! lovely) if she missed her, and she said that no, she left. Hmm. well I miss her. I get far too attached to people. I just... wish she said goodbye. I guess I'm getting to know how it must feel for people whom are visited by short-term aid workers like me. They get attached and then we leave, and it hurts. And then next time they have learned and they won't get so attached... That mustn't be very healthy.

I love people watching, the simplicity and utter dependence of pet fish, and my Monks :).

Creating story and accidentally eating dog, blech.

2010-01-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

I finished the book that I had talked about (yet sheepishly not finished when I talked about it). I didn't know how good 'A Million Miles in a Thousand Years' by Don Miller was before I actually read it... haha, and am now thinking that I was completely unworthy of using his book as a basis for my blog/footnote on my trip to Thailand ;). He talks a lot about creating story, and the importance of a narrative/story in your life. He talks about writing a book, and if you never get your character to do anything or think anything, it won't be a very interesting book. So. I decided I would intentionally make myself do stuff to create story in my life :). Hehe, and I had such great adventures! I like story.

Last week was New Year's Break. I caught the first bus to Chiang Mai to see my friend Courtney before she left for Vietnam on the 27th. She was on a study abroad term and stayed with my host family for two months. As soon as I got to Chiang Mai I missed Mai Sai a lot. I had decided I would do at least one tourist thing before I went home, however. I wandered past a kayak/raft adventure tourism place, and decided I would check it out... I miss kayaking so much! It was actually the same people whom I had kayaked with the previous march. So, Wednesday I had an awesome day kayaking, took my nose ring out in order to wear a noseplug, couldn't get it back in afterwards, and now I am nakedly nose-ringless. My identity shall have to get over it until I'm back in Canada and Jonna can hold my hand again while they stick a needle through my nose. bah. I woke up early the next morning, thinking how much I love kayaking, and decided to wander past the store again... just to see if they had an extra spot. They had ONE spot left in the van so I went completely unprepared-- except for knowing I had left my wet clothes in the bathroom at the take out point by accident-- at least I had kayaking clothes to wear in hopes that they hadn't been stolen. The kayaking was awesome again, though I got stuck on a rock in the middle and had to pull my skirt... *sigh. so embarrassing. We kayaked by a elephant, all muddy and chilling eating leaves in the jungle, other elephants being driven across the river, a big water snake, and kids that splashed us as we went by. Mmm... one of my favourite parts about kayaking is the last slow stretch where you're glad you're still breathing air, your face is intact, and you're just so pumped on life. I popped my skirt, hung my legs out the side of the kayak and took my helmet off, splashing and laughing with the other rafters and kayakers. Life is good. By the end of the two days I had made pretty good friends with the kayak and raft guides (I think they were pretty impressed... my friend Nop said he had never seen a girl kayak before). These guys were all best friends that grew up in a hilltribe close to the one we were at. Jason Younkin, a guy from California that started the company found these guys and taught them to kayak so they could work for him. They are... some of the best kayakers I have seen. Effortless bow stalls and cartwheels... it's amazing. It was interesting actually, talking to them. They're all unmarried from 21 to 25ish; they said there's no one to marry: the girls in their village their age had left long ago. Mmm. Interesting to get a new perspective on the situation. They asked me where I was going for new years that night and then invited me to stay up at the bamboo raft lodge with them if I had nothing else to do. There was also an American couple there; a volunteer safety kayaker and his girlfriend that I had gotten a long well with, so I thought, 'hm. spend a night in crowd surrounded by drunk tourists in Chiang Mai or in the mountains with river people...' yes. We climbed up into the pile of rafts stacked three on top of each other on a farm truck and rode up the mountain again on washed out roads ducking low tree branches. I think I may actually like road rafting better than river rafting... ;). The hilltribe village the lodge was in was beautiful... connected over the river by a wood and cable suspension bridge that swung madly as soon as you stepped on it. I spent the evening between the guest house on the opposite side of the river and the raft lodge. I've been finding that New Year's is a bit like Christmas here. You say, 'Happy New Years!' instead of 'Merry Christmas!'. Because I only had about 4baht in my bag (I gave all my money I had in my bag to go kayaking for an other day, and I was still 600baht short... but they let me come anyway-yay!), the owner of the guest house gave me a beer because 'everyone has to have a beer on new years' :S. I spent new years eating fish that one of the guys had caught in the river and we had cooked over our little beach campfire. My friend Nop cooked a late night snack that he said was pork... but as I was eating it I was like, 'um. Nop, are you sure this is pork? I don't think it is. are you sure?' And sure enough, I turned over a piece of meat... and saw an unmistakable jaw of a dog. complete with the teeth. 'Nop. this is dog'. 'oh. haha. yeah it is.' wHHaaattt!!!??? I guess every person that goes overseas needs to try dog. oh man. You'll know if you try it. It doesn't taste like pork. The next day I was checking out dog teeth to make sure it was a match... aghh... yep. I totally ate dog. ew. (story. story. story... blech.)

The night before, I had made friends with a family over the river. They were going to deliver blankets and toys to a hilltribe village on New years day and invited Stephanie (the kayaker's girlfriend) and I to come along. Yes please! They gave a lovely fuzzy blanket to each family and gave loads of school stuff to the school and New Years presents to the kids. Hehe... I found a little boy at his house and he said he wanted a truck. So I went over to the box where they were giving out toys, found a sweet big hydraulic dump truck and came over to deliver it to him at his house. Ahaha! his eyes went so big and said thankyou about 5 times. Hm. I totally don't agree with materialism and just giving things to people to make them happy. BUT... yeah I don't have any excuses... ;). I also got to go bamboo rafting with them back down the raft lodge! We hiked in for about an hour to the river, and then bamboo rafted for about 2 hours... one of the kids in the family was an autistic boy... and I just LOVED watching how the family doted on him and enjoyed his presence and companionship. All I wanted to do was take pictures of his little brother making sure he was okay, his Mom holding his hand, or his Father giving him piggy-back rides. He and his family were more beautiful than the stunning mountains, jungle, and waterfalls around us, hands down.

I ended up getting back to Chiang Mai on Saturday afternoon because they didn't want me to hitch a ride with anyone else going back. I think they felt really protective over me... the son of the owner/chief of the village said I would only need about 2 more weeks on the river and I could be a volunteer safety kayaker! YES PLEASE. I love that place... it was so lovely to be in such a tranquil environment with no pressure... there was no internet and my cell battery was dead, even if there had been a network around to let me receive any calls. I rode in the back of a truck taking pictures with the photographer and the safety crew... hehe I watched as a mahout (elephant trainer man) pointed to things at a little convenience store while sitting on the back of an elephant.. it gave a whole new meaning to a drive in... hehe. Man. That was good for me :). I miss being dirty, bare-feet, water, and campfires... I think I wore the same t-shirt four days in a row :S.

I had a hilarious evening on Saturday night with my Mom and little brother in Chiang Mai- we went to see Sherlock Holmes together and ate expensive cakes. Wow. my little brother is so hilarious. I could joke around with him for hours. He was trying to carry me in the parking lot, and needless to say I ended up sprawled out on the cement, both of us in fits of laughter.

I am now back in Mae Sai, alone for the week as Sarah is in the South with her boyfriend who is visiting from America. I have suspicions she'll come back with a ring on her finger ;). There are 15 or so students from a University in Wisconsin here for the next two weeks running an arts and dance camp for the kids. It's so great to see what my kids are capable of! Even the boys are getting into like.. ballet-type dancing. wow. Surprises everywhere. I wish I was 15 people. I wish I had that kind of energy even after two months. But... I'm getting tired. Tired and kind of discouraged and out of ideas. But its so good to see people here loving the kids. I wish they could stay forever.

On Monday when my monks came to class they surprised me with a New Years Present! 'Happy New Year Teacher!'. Oh! I'm so emotional. Beautifully wrapped, a little glass figurine of two birds and a big box of TimTams--- delicious Australian chocolate cookies :). I went to my favourite group of food stalls afterwards and shared them with all my friends. A lot of things are changing around the food stalls. I cried a couple of nights ago because I didn't want anything to change there; they feel like family. The milkman (Asoe) got deported to Burma and he's never coming back. I never even got to say goodbye. And the lady who makes Khow Pat Gai and Patsee-ew hasn't been here for the last week because her Mom died. It hurts to think that their lives are so different then mine. Tonight at CLC I taught Moei, Dang, Arnone, La, two other younger monks that joined the class, and two Burmese women who also joined the class, the history of Christmas day, and why it's celebrated. I had written a simple version of the Christmas story, had them write it down, learned the vocabulary, and read the story. Hm. It was pretty cool :). It felt funny talking to Buddhist monks about Jesus... haha, I probably wasn't allowed... but oh well ;).

Alright. So. Creating story. It's a great motivator to get out of bed in the morning ;). I've been trying intentionally to convince myself, 'if I don't do it now, I just won't even do it. I'll just always make excuses.' So, when I go past a guy selling pets and think, 'I would like to buy a fish', I force myself to turn around a buy a fish. My fish is lovely :). It's name is fsh. Once someone told me a joke about a fish with no eye that was called 'fsh'. My fish has eyes... But I still think the joke is funny :). Anyway. Just trying to grasp opportunities and such.

I've also just began an online course on Peace and Conflict Studies through the University Of Waterloo. The lectures and texts seems really great so far :).

Blessings friends.
Nicola

I like turning strangers into friends :)

2009-12-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

Hi! I thought I'de post this on my blog... it makes me feel special :). I met a guy named Anthony at the bus station on Christmas Day (I was booking my ticket for the bus to Chiang Mai on boxing day); a passionate journalist, he had just spent Christmas with an Akha hill tribe and was now heading back to Chiang Mai to continue working with rescued elephants. You can read his article about the redemption of elephants in Thailand here: http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=103289. I thought he was crazy at first, and then when he left he said, 'God bless!', and then I thought, 'oh, that makes sense' :). I met him again on my first night in Chiang Mai, crossing the street with my friend Courtney who would leave the next day for Vietnam (she was also living with my host family, with a travel program from her school in Minesota). Probably forty years old, he shouted 'Nicola!' and ran across the street to give me a hug (Thailand is like that for some reason... I'm always meeting people randomly that I've ran into before). Wow. He's crazy. But he believes God loves him, and I think that craziness is a little bit allowed when you accept the depth of God's love for you. He included me in his Christmas update:

I also met another volunteer, Nicola from Canada (also blonde and very pretty with sky blue eyes, so odd I can't describe them) and she can speak Thai, and has been volunteering with many kinds of the different hill tribes. She really seems to have a heart for the Lord ... there are so many good people in the world. They don't have to spend Christmas with the hill tribes but they do. She just acted like it was the most normal thing ... she was travelling alone at the bus station in Chiang Rai without a care in the world. Confident. Filled with purpose ...
... I guess they feel the Lord has led them to do what they are doing.

Wow. I just love meeting such interesting people. Thailand is great for that too :).

I listened to a sermon that a friend showed me on the depth of God's love. There are so many sermons on that... but I really like this one. If you have the time, give it a listen ;). It's from 'Church in the Box' at Redeemer University in Hamilton.
http://media.redeemer.ca/users/podcasts/weblog/c044b/12_13_09_-_CITB_-_Paul_Vanderbrink.html

kaw hi me quamsuk wan Christmas...

2009-12-26T02:50:00.000-08:00

Ashoka Globalizer. A new class. My new Burmese friends. The great people God blesses me with on bus rides.

Firstly! The Merriest Christmas to all of you... here is 'we wish you a Merry Christmas' in Thai:

kaw hi me quamsuk wan Christmas,
kaw hi me quamsuk wan Christmas,
kaw hi me quamsuk wan Christmas,
lee saw wat di bii mai! :)

Kun Sompop called me over the other day and started reading an e-mail he had received from a charity organization called 'Ashoka' about their latest grant opportunity called 'Ashoka Globalizers'. Sarah, Jamie, (the two other vols) and I had worked on the proposal together, and it was our first one that we recieved news about. Ashoka is an organization that extends invitations to NGO founders to be an 'Ashoka fellow' with them, to share information and to network and such. There are about 2000 Ashoka fellows each year I think? For 'globalizers', they would pick 25 NGO's out of 2000 to be 'ready to gloabalize'- to go further than their country and immediate region. DEPDC's future vision includes the expansion of our 'Mekong Youth Union' of projects started by DEPDC trained youth leaders to the 'Asian Youth Union'. So, we had to prove to Ashoka that we're ready for this step and that they should believe in our work and support it. In the e-mail Kun Sompop read me, he had been invited to the Ashoka conference in Vienna in April as the representative of DEPDC, one of the 25 NGOs that Ashoka chose that are ready to go global!!! Hurray!! :) I really feel like I got to contribute; even if it was only for my English writing skills... which I guess are important in grant writing! ;)

The other night at CLC (Community Learning Centre- where I teach the monks every Mon, Wed, and Fri night from 6-8), one of my monks told me he had told some of his friends that I don't teach on Tuesday and Thursday. So, a group of seven monks walked by the classroom window (the classrooms are pretty much all windows.. its more like.. just absence of wall..) and asked me if I can start a new class and teach them twice a week, I was like, 'sure'... because, well, that's why I'm here, so I invited them in and had them write down their names and ages, and told them they were free to invite anyone else at a beginner level as well. So, the next day I walked into a class of 14 new students that are absolute basic beginners! Though I now work every week day until 8... teaching monks is just so entertaining that I don't mind at all :)

The night before Christmas Eve, I was riding down the big hill after CLC to meet Jamie for dinner. I heard a loud, 'hallelujah!' and clapping from one of the houses; I slammed on the breaks on my bike, and waited for the carolers ( I assumed?) to come out. Jamie called me wondering where I was.. 'Jamie.. I think you're on your own tonight... sorry!'. I asked the group if I could join them and if they could bring me back to my bike afterwards. They happily accepted me into their group; a Burmese community Church called 'Grace International'. No one spoke Thai, only Burmese and English. Oh... I can't even explain to you... it was so lovely. We were riding around in the back of pickup trucks, stopping from place to place- Burmese singing, talking, laughing- oh! It's like.. even when they're not singing, it sounds like singing. Burmese is the most beautiful language I have ever heard. It's like a combination of the best parts of french and spanish... *sigh. Anyway, a couple of my students were caroling as well and I spent a lovely evening trekking around the mountainy parts of Mae Sai holding a little girl's hand and clapping along with foreign yet stunningly joyful and beautiful Christmas carols. We traded cell numbers and they invited me out to their Christmas Eve service the next night! A truck of students from a bible seminary near my house picked me up for the service... wow. I really like that Church. I want to remember everything, all the time I spend with these passionate, thankful people. I didn't bring my camera to the service because I wanted to experience it with just my eyes, not looking through anyone elses. They are some of the most persecuted people in the world- just for being of minority ethnicities and standing up for their people and their country, yet... they're some of the happiest people I think I have ever met. Truly. Hm. I also learned more about my students from the pastor there. Every Tuesday afternoon I teach the kindergarten class (or whoever just doesn't know Thai yet): among these are 4 girls wearing matching heavy blue jackets. They go to Grace Chruch; the Pastor told me that they are Wa, the people group currently heavily targeted by the Burmese Military, between the military-controlled part and Southern China. These girls escaped to Thailand and found themselves in Mae Sai without parents; the pastor took them into the children's home attached to the Church. Hm. This is why they don't answer me when I speak Thai to them. Last Tuesday we drew around our hands, wrote our names in Thai, coloured our hands in, and then did the same on a BIG sheet of paper to put up in the classroom. Those girls gave me their hand-pictures so I can put them up at home! :) On Christmas day my new friends called me again and invited me out to the city-wide gathering of Christians in a parking lot of one of the municipal buildings. Even though I had had a very wearing day at the centre of unexpected disappointments and responsibilites, it was nice to sit with friends and enjoy the community around me. They don't know Thai because they learn the bible in English, so I was actually translating (as much as I could!) the sermon for them into English, and teaching them a couple of Thai words. I hope I get to hang out with them more often- more maybe as a collective group of girls and guys... one of the guys told me he's been praying for an English girlfriend ... :S

This morning I saw the sunrise for the first time, as I caught the earliest first class bus (= a toilet on the bus) out of Mae Sai so I could see my friend Courtney (who also lives with my family in Chiang Mai) again before she flies off to Vietnam on the 27th. There was only one seat taken on the bus, and the hostess led me to the seat right beside her; I was tired and wanted to have my own seat, but she insisted that we sit together. We talked in Thai about where we are from and where we are going, where we work and such, when she started speaking to me in very good English, as the conversation started to get harded to understand (such grace!). She is Burmese and was going to visit her boyfriend in the refugee camp in Mae Sot, an other border town with Myanmar, in Western Thailand. She said she met him at Grace International Church-- we chatted and realized that we recognized each other from both the Christmas Eve service and the city-wide service as she was part of the dance group. I remember seeing her on stage both times, thinking what a strong and beautful woman she looked like, and how she just seemed to shine! She told me about the history of Christianity in Burma-- and about a white missionary family that has been living in her town for four generations! She went on to tell me that she works as a translator for YWAM groups going into Burma, and hopes to start a youth ministry for Burmese in Mae Sai; that Mae Sot has many many ministries, but Mae Sai has been almost forgotten about in comparison to Mae Sot. She talked about wanting to teach them trades and different handi-crafts so they can make money. I told her that I wanted to do the same kind of thing, maybe even have an organic bakery, to which she talked about her dream of owning a coffee shop... to which I talked about the 24/7 boiler room idea of weeks in community constant prayer... and the whole conversation was just.. ah, like God had just set everything up (including how she had missed her first bus so had to ride on the second) so we could chat. She has such a passion for her people and for God. Her name is Thalita and I think she is just wonderful... so strong. She wants to write a book about her life,Myanmar, and her experiences working with YWAM. She also sponsors people to go to Bible school in Burma who don't have enough money for tuition. I told her I'de love to visit the school, and she said she's going in January! I went to Myanmar for the first time on.. Thursday? Christmas Eve. The difference... between Thailand and Myanmar... is.. horrific. Even a border town, which makes a lot of money of off the visa-running tourists. There is a community of child beggers that live on the bridge in no-mans land before you even get to Myanmar :S. It makes me pretty thankful for Mae Sai... yet at the same time like... slapped into recognition of what's going on a couple km up the road.

Burma=Myanmar/Myanmar=Burma. I'm not really sure what to call it. Either Americans might get upset or the rest of the world will, depending on what you call it; Burmese people seem to use them both interchangeably?

Yes. So. I'm in Chiang Mai now, enjoying a couple days off until next week when I start classes again on January fourth. I want to be daring... I want to lift my hands and feet up to God... and I want him to use me. Hmm.

Oh! The books I got from my friend in Chiang Mai have already started being used! I have almost catalogued them all in my computer and I lent the first books out on Wedneday to some very eager monks. I have been bringing them to school bit my bit with as many as can fit in my bicycle basket each morning.

I also met up with a great missionary family here- Harry and Patti Britton and their family from Texas. I went with them to Chiang Rai last Sunday for English Church, and then helped them with a Christmas play at a highschool on Thursday morning. Their daughter likes mountain biking and was talking about a race in Mae Sai in January?? (yes please!) They work for Narrow Gate Asia, and are working on a farming ministry here in Mae Sai in partnership with a dairy farm that's actually right next to DEPDC.

Thankyou friends! Hope you had a lovely Christmas.
Blessings!

n

ps.

2009-12-21T00:38:00.000-08:00

Hehe... I just remembered.

My housemate told me last night, as she was leafing through my Bible asking me what I thought of homosexuality and evangelists, that she won't let me talk to her children when she has them. She said I could write them letters, but could not talk talk to them... that I would be a bad influence because I hitch-hike, sleep in the forest for months at a time, talk to strangers and don't call my mother as much as I should :S ... oh man, I forget everything she said...hehe; but that she didn't want her kids to turn out like me! That's the best encouragement I've got in months!! ;)

ps. I promise I would call my Mom more if she had skype ;).

My grade two's, BKK, Church, and my monks.

2009-12-20T23:41:00.000-08:00

Last week I spent a good half of my grade 2 class just chatting with them before we started the lesson. The discussion started because I took greater attention that morning in taking attendance than usual, asking why students weren't there when I received a choral, 'my maa' (literally: not come) and 10 kids twisting their wrists around in the air like the queen's wave when I announced a student who wasn't present.

'Seeree'. 'mai maa!'. 'my maa tam mai (why didn't he come?)'. 'Seeree *khhk! (kids imitate somebody dying). 'WhAATTT!!!???' My kids went on to explain that Seeree had been hit by a motorcy and he died. But that it didn't matter because he snorted opium and he drank a lot, 'mai dee (not good)!'. 'WhhAATT!???' *sigh. I didn't remember Seeree because he hadn't come in the last couple weeks, but I would talk to someone about it later.

'Nisa!' 'Nisa mai maa'. 'mai maa tam mai'. 'Nisa bai Gruntep (Nisa went to Bangkok)'. '.... Nisa bai Gruntep tam mai'. 'tamgnan (to work)'. 'WhhaAAATT!??' So. One of my grade two's had gone to Bangkok to work in order to earn money for her parents (she hadn't been to school in the last two months). I looked at Santheep, Fon Down, and the others and begged them, 'please... don't go to Bangkok'. We talked about how dangerous it was and how there are many good Farang but their are many bad Farang too, and Thailand just seem to attract bad Farang because it is so cheap and there are many beautiful women. We talked about different things they could do to earn money here, to which they just answered... Phi Nicci. Where would be work? There is nothing in Mae Sai for us. They told me they wouldn't go to Bangkok until they finished Prateom 6 (grade 6), and then they would go to Bangkok because they had to send back money for their parents. mm.. WhhhAATT??!

I talked to Khun Somboon (the Thai teacher) about it afterwards (whose name means 'Mr. Perfect' in Thai-- my monks taught me that. What a great name! haha), and first he said that my grade two's had talked to him about what they told me about Seeree, and that he had lectured them not to lie to their teachers! WhhhhAATTT!!?? Ach, the punks. Why would you lie about somebody dying?? Khun Somboon explained that death isn't super tabboo here, and that he doesn't come to school here any more because he does actually snort opium (I think that's what you do with Opium? oh dear, I am so clueless) and is drunk all the time. *sigh. We talked about my kids going to Bangkok in four years and he said that they do everything they can to stop them, but since they are undocumented (hill tribe ethnicities are not legally Thai citizens, which means they have no benefits such as education, healthcare, they can't leave Thailand/sometimes even just their province), there is huge prejudice against them and they cannot work anywhere but at night in the karaoke and night bars here. So most just go to Bangkok, and they educate them on safe migration and their rights, etc. hmph. International Development is really complicated. Maybe this is why most IDS University programs don't have you actually go and help at an NGO... because then you would get dissappointed and disillusioned and lose hope and then want to change your major. I don't want to change my major... I'm just sayin'...

I went to English Church in Chiang Rai yesterday! hurray! I had met a lovely family who drove me there and back and then I spent a while at their house when we got back, talking to their 12-yr old daughter (who likes soccer and mountain biking!) and trying to get star fruit off their trees with their 6-yr old son. They are from Texas I think. I haven't seen white kids in so long, haha... they look so weird now. I met so many people at Church that talked my ear off and I just got to listen. :). I also heard about a drop in centre run by a man at the Church right at the border near I live called, 'Open doors'. I'de like to go and visit and see what they do.

This morning I woke up and wanted to book a flight home for two days from now. I miss Christmas and I miss my friends and my family. But then... I stopped at a food stall I've never been to before, and enjoyed a slow lunch while marking my monk's weekly journals I have them write... and I decided... that I would stay even just to read their weekly journals. oh man... my monks are the coolest, hehe. I'll try to find a good excerpt for you... true to the originals...

Moei:
'Today I walked went to the librariel. I was found and read a storied book this I was like. and I went to the market but was not bought things. beceas I was forgot brought the money...'

Dang:
'every morning. I cleaned my bedroom and tempels. miday I make the homeworked... I have 3 elder brother don't a younger sister because I am pauper no. 4 in my family. we live in a small house. I wake up at 5 o'clock. I walk to school every other day. ('Pauper'... I love the words they come up with then they look it up in a dictionary... hehehe)

Yep. love it!
Blessings all!

ps. I love you Naomi. Thanks for your comments :)

white skirts and leggings

2009-12-15T23:14:00.000-08:00

I just had a great grade one class... I’m starting a new section called ‘We Take Care’. Right now we’re studying how to take care of our bodies. Today we stretched and talked about different kinds of exercising. I’m hoping to talk about brushing teeth and choosing to eat healthy food as well before I go on to taking care of our environment and our families, etc. If you have any other ideas I’d love to hear them! My Grade one class is quite difficult because there are 30 of them, and they are all at totally different levels. I’ve been asking the older ones to help me by taking attendance or writing the Thai translation on the board and it’s working out okay.

I’m pretty discouraged right now. I’m struggling and fighting and wondering about meaning and what gives meaning. I had been pretty excited this week about possibly having a Half-Day-School Christmas play for all the parents to come to. I’d worked it out with what each grade would do, etc, and then talked to another volunteer about it. ‘Christianity would be a whole lot better if they would just be content with not telling everyone about it’. ‘That would be very inappropriate; this is an inappropriate venue to share your beliefs, Nicola’. *sigh. That sucks. We also discussed why both of us came and such. I said I came to give what I could, and to love. ‘Who said they need or want your love?’. The dialogue left me struggling and questioning the place of faith in development, how to ‘do it right’ if everyone has been so hurt by it. Christianity is such an easy target... but it’s just so sad because there’s this whole stereotype that Christians think they’re perfect, which is a complete contradiction of the idea of Christianity, isn’t it? Man... we’re all just hurting and trying to figure out how to live.

I’m hurting, and trying to figure out how to live.

- white skirts make me feel beautiful
- giving feels better than getting
- I have to learn how to ‘get’
- taking care of people/things/animals gives me joy
- grass feels better than concrete
- basil tomato brie sandwiches are good any day of the week
- music. art. enough said.
- everybody needs to be loved
- leggings were a great invention

Being is a difficult business.

So- I have a confession to make. The book I named my blog after- I have not actually read. Fully. I picked it up at Lawsons a couple days before I left and read a chapter or two but needed all the money I had, and didn’t buy it. But- the few pages I read affected me enough to name my blog after it. And the ideas I read have kept me thinking for a couple months about them. However, my friend just sent me the book and I am devouring it! Don Miller, you never cease to amaze. The book is all about story, and what makes a good one. The people he meets in his journey and the decisions he makes are so... real.

“The next day,” he said, “Annie came to me while I was doing the dishes.” He collected his words. “Things have been tense for the last year, Don. I haven’t told you everything. But my wife came to me and put her arms around me and leaned her face into the back of my neck and told me she was proud of me.”
Pg.53

It’s a good book. This quote is completely random and has no connection really with the main plot of the book... but is lovely anyway :). I love redemption.

So. Meaning. I woke up this morning feeling devoid of it. Most of what I find meaning in isn’t reciprocated here. Maybe I’m finally going through culture shock? I decided to incorporate a white skirt and leggings into my outfit today.

I’ve heard Christianity described as a crutch a couple times recently/not so recently. Is it a crutch? Is it supposed to be a crutch? What do you think?

nom sot (fresh milk)

2009-12-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

Mmm... tonight was lovely. The last two days I have hardly eaten anything as I've been feeling pretty sick, but was finally able to eat a meal tonight. I spent the evening chatting with Sarah at our favourite food stall (Newee makes phenom fried rice as well as Phatsee-ew (fried big noodles)), and then bought some milk and drank it slowly with the people at the jok and the milk. Oh... I'm starting to get really attached to that little community of stalls... I went to order with my friend Soe (fresh milk-nom sot / soy milk-nom tahoot), and he was like, 'you haven't come for a week, where did you go?' Being over-emotional me, I almost started crying, haha. Doesn't it feel wonderful to be remembered and thought about? I'm glad I'm human. So we sat and tried to communicate... Payho, the elderly lady who I just met tonight, showed me photos of her family, and I learned that Soe, Naun, and an other vender are all from Myanmar and actually only know a little Thai (/way more than I know). Oh, I wish I could communicate. It's so frustrating when you want to hear all about someone's life and you just can't. Mae Sai is like that... for most of the people Thai is their second language. But, I had a lovely evening :). I had this crazy idea of offering free english classes to them after they've closed their stalls at around 11pm... maybe I'll wait till I get to know them better. I just really like them all a lot though, I'de like to be familiar and remembered by that group... they all seem like a close family.

Compassion

2009-12-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

From an article entitled ‘At one with our ignorance’ written by Karen Armstrong in the Guardian Wednesday 11.11.09

Compassion does not mean pity; it means to ‘experience with’ the other. The golden rule, of always treating all others as you would wish to be treated yourself, lies at the heart of all morality. It requires a principled, ethical and imaginative effort to put self-interest to one side and stand in somebody else’s shoes.

The golden rule does not advocate naïve bonhomie but impels us to examine our presuppositions, change our minds if necessary, and submit our assessment of a dilemma to stringent criticism. One cannot act for the true benefit of the greatest number of people if not fully apprised of the intricacy of a particular situation; this calls for an intellectual effort, an impartial investigation of the history of a problem, and an honest attempt to look into an opposing viewpoint- instead of simply relying on discussion that happens to chime with our opinions.

Compassion demands that we dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world. It has been central to the religious quest as well as to the Socratic tradition of philosophical rationalism. We have failed to live up to this ideal. Altruism may have been an important survival mechanism for our ancestors at a particular stage of their evolution; it may also be key to our survival to-day.

'hey Farang!'

2009-12-05T18:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to the lake near here for the first time... it took me ages to find it, but when I got there on my little blue bicycle, it was so worth it... the little lake was crystal clear and embedded in the side of the mountain with streams and little ponds and paths and bridges surrounding it. There was a man renting inner tubes to float on, and if you walked up some stairs chiseled in to the hillside you could get to this little straw house village which sold some food. I was walking around and a group of youth sitting on a straw mat hollered, 'hey! Farang!', ('Farang' can be merely a descriptive term, a name if yours is too hard to pronounce, or a really derogatory term) I looked and they beckoned me over to sit with them. I spent the afternoon teaching them how to slackline (walk a thin rope between two trees, I had brought mine with me), eating with them, and swimming- we even did a bit of cliff jumping! I was so brave. It's so nice to meet people when you're by yourself :). I can't wait to load pictures! My picture sharing keeps being hampered- first because I forgot the cd at home, and now because somehow I've misplaced the cord :S. I can't wait to share my life with you, though! :)

thoughts from here

2009-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

Hi friends!

Okay. Almost two weeks have come and gone faster than I could have imagined. I am going to start this e-mail with a scripture that my sister Jonna sent me on a card:

"I the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you a covenant for the people and a light for the gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness..." Isaiah 42:6-7

My heart feels broken today; it might have been that I had a bad dream last night, that birthdays make you rethink your life and if you are where you 'should' be at the age you are turning, or that I am missing fellowship. Or probably lots of other things too.

Last weekend I went down to Chiang Mai (about a 4 hours bus ride) to meet with a friend I had written about previously and that I had met in my TEFL course. He's the one who married a Burmese woman and does relief work in Myanmar. He said he has English books that I could have for free, so I spent Monday morning looking through his stacks of old children's books and readers sent from Australia. He has a new born baby and I was ecstatic to hold little Ewing and and bounce him, kind of almost pretending he was my sister's first child, born on Saturday. *sigh. So, I came back from Chiang Mai with a big box of easy readers and posters for my classrooms! He and his wife also prayed with me before I got on the bus back to Mae Sai. Today I started cataloging the books; I've decided that it will be a better use of myself to set future teachers up for success by building up usable resources and and creating syllabi then to put all my efforts into creating perfect English speakers in 5 months. I'm excited about this; I think I can do it. I want to create a comprehensive report for the next English teachers, so they won't have so little to work with, as I have.

Life has been really busy here with DEPDC's upcoming 20-year aniversary on Dec. 11. My classes have been canceled recently so the kids can make decorations for the centre and cards and paper flowers and stuff. Today I was helping my student KamTheep with her paper flowers by glueing little stem-dots to them all. It's neat to see all the little handicrafts that my kids are capable of! So many of their crafts could be easily bought at a dollar store in Canada, but seeing each piece be made and put together makes them all so precious and beautiful. Things like tiny looped wires twisted together wrapped in coloured panty hose material bound by thread put together to make beautiful ornamental flowers, and long lupin-looking flowers made from using knitting needles to make a chord of loops with yarn tied to the spine of a palm branch. Pretty cool, I was impressed.

One of my favourite parts of the week are my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday classes with my four 17-22 year old monks from Myanmar: Arnone, Moei, Dang, and La. Arnone is quiet and pensive. Moei is the furthest ahead and always goes out of his way to learn more and to show me what he knows; he's also really good at helping the others. He picks up on English intonations really well, he always says a yes/no question, thinks, and then says it again but raises the last syllable. It makes me so proud every time! Dang is quiet and funny, and texts a lot on his cell phone under the table. Whenever we read books he gets really into as he is pretty good at sounding out words, he read loudly and guesses at words more than the others. La sits on the far right of the table. He wears glasses and reminds me of a 8 year old camper I had once named Ian. Whenever he thinks he scrunches his whole face up and it makes me laugh every time... once I asked him if he understood and he shook his yes, and then slower and slower until it turned into a, 'mm no, no I don't actually have any clue what you're talking about' head shake back and forth. Oh, those kids crack me up. Each class we review the last class' work, learn something new, play a game, read a book, copy down a verse of song lyrics and fill in the blanks, and then talk about the best and worst parts of our day. Today Dang said that the best part of his day was coming to English class because it makes him happy! They're getting braver and braver about trying out English words and speaking up... sometimes my heart feel like bursting, I am so proud!

So; I had a really great Birthday... Thankyou sooo much to everyone who sent me a birthday message! That was so lovely :). I got to talk to my sister and see her gorgeous new baby, Oliver, on skype, and then my housemate Sarah made me breakfast! I got to school to find that my classes were canceled and so spent the morning learning how to make woven palm-leaf fish to decorate the centre for the anniversary. During this one of the kids hijacked my camera, so they played around with taking movies and pictures of themselves for a couple of hours (really- immediate entertainment! And my camera didn't even get dropped!). It was so nice to just sit with my kids and teach some of the younger ones how to make fish, and see how proud they were when they were capable of doing it! One little girl was so happy when she learned how to make one that she threw her arms around my neck and gave me a big kiss on my cheek, Haha, a little affirmation goes a long way! I then walked up to the main building that I teach in and some of the staff called me over, with a surprise ice cream cake waiting for me!! There's the CUTEST little girl at the centre who is only 1 year old, named Pancake. She is a vocational student's daughter, and she sat in the middle of the table wearing extra large pajama pants eating ice cream with her hands... oh it was adorable. She's starting to not be so afraid of me. Sarah and Jamie and I then went out for lunch at my favourite place, a little restaurant owned by Muslims that has my favourite soup - Khow Soy - for about 90cents(25Baht). It's delicious. The afternoon was spent writing and editing the finishing touches to a grant proposal for the government US state department of Trafficking In Persons (G/TIP) which was due, and then we were invited out to dinner with the Director and his friends that were visiting! He didn't know it was my birthday, but when he found out they all sang happy birthday to me :). It was so lovely... I love how they eat here; everything is communal; you are given rice, and then people spoon different side dishes on to your plate. Mmm... yeah.

What else? Things that make me happy are: sweetened warm milk in the evenings on my way home, some sketches I bought in Chiang Mai to decorate my bedroom, my duvet (that I am SO glad I brought! That thing comes with me everywhere. If you're thinking of buying a duvet, it's a worthy investment. It's been with me to England, two season of tree-planting, and now Thailand.), my pair of leather sandals a friend made me in Chiang Mai which I wear every day, and... oh, learning the names of the street vendors. The Roti lady's name is Bai Sai, and the Milk Man's name is Soh. Oh! And the Khow Pat Soy lady's name is Newee. When I told her my name she pointed to a Coke bottle... no, not Cola, 'Nicola'.

So, Jonna's scripture verse really made me think. When I was at the Muslim restaurant a beggar was there who was blind in one eye. I didn't have any food to give her and Sompop said not to give them money (many of them are trafficked and they don't get the money), so I felt helpless. When I' m at food stalls I usually just buy them one of whatever I'm getting, but we were in a sit-down place and they don't like to sit down and eat with you. I refuse to ignore them; one cannot ignore humanity - ignoring people robs them of the dignity of being human... yet she stood there, pointing to her eye, with her hand out. And I sat there, smiling sadly, looking her in the eye, and shaking my head. As Christians and people who believe in the redemptive power of Jesus, can we believe in actually opening eyes that are blind? On my way home tonight I stopped in front of a stranded British man who's motorcycle had broken down 60km South of there and he was trying to get back to it (at 10:30 at night). I stopped and chatted, told him how to hitch hike in Asia (I promise I have never done it, nor will do it, I had just read about how in Lonely Planet while Brad was here), which is much different than in the West, and he (very randomly) proceeded to tell me how guilt ridden and hypocritical Christianity is and how terrible Catholicism is, and etc etc. Man, I've never met one person that hasn't been hurt by Christians/ the Church saying one thing and doing the other. He went on to say that Christianity is a great set of morals, but hardly anyone lives by them. I told him that it's not really a set of morals, but a God who wanted his children to be with him, and so decided to fulfill the 'rigid set of rules' so we would not be judged by them, and instead can live in relationship with him. So, the key word is relationship, and in relationship we will naturally become more and more like Jesus himself. Someone (Tozer, maybe?) said that all sin comes from wrong thoughts on God, and an other from my Prof, 'lack of intimacy with God is how we measure our pain' (Gregg Finley... I'm sorry if I said it wrong, I couldn't find where I thought I knew it from). So Christian morals and disciplines (not the same thing) are not the spine of Christianity, they're helpers to keep us close and growing with God, and as you are more intimate and growing with God, it pours out in characteristics that are like him. Doesn't it? This seems to make sense to me, anyway. So how can we be those people that heal broken hearts instead of hurt? Genuine-ness; perfection is only a painful stereotype and should be throttled; patient open-ness. Those sound like a good start. We've got to be able to give the blind, the captives, and the poor more than sad, sorry smiles. Mmm. Son Jai. Interesting. I left the man at the side of the road with a, 'God Bless'. I thought inviting him to grab the wicker couch at my house was not the smartest thing to do :S. Hm. Son jai..

Well! That's about it for now. It's Saturday tomorrow and I am very determined to find somewhere to set up my slackline, a birthday present to myself. I heard there was a lake nearby, maybe I will check that out.

Blessings. Sorry if my theology is wrong; I can't understand the sermons here... they are in Thai ;).

Love Nicola

BABY!

2009-11-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!!! I'm in Chiang Mai picking up some English books, currently sitting in an internet cafe and JUST FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE A BRAND NEW BABY NEPHEW!!!!! hurrayyyy!!! My sister is a Mom... wow. So... I wanted to scam a picture off of facebook and show you Naomi and Josh's very own Oliver Jordan :). Oh.... beautiful :).

thoughts on being 'there'.

2009-11-26T00:36:00.001-08:00

Thankyou for being an avenue where I can toss out my thoughts.
Perhaps I haven't thought about this enough. Agh, it never fails to prompt an ever-ready flow of tears though. Bah.

Today after I taught in the morning we hosted a group of 'global college' university students from the States. There were about twenty of them and Jamie (an other volunteer), myself, and Sompop (mostly Jamie and Sompop) presented on DEPDC and the people that we exist to serve. That man is so unsensationalizing and true to the facts... yet stuns me every time with just the facts, without trying to get donations through pulling at your heart strings, just... with the facts. Today he spoke about one of the first girls he met 20 years ago that prompted him to build DEPDC. He was hired to research the origins of girls in the sex industry in Thailand. His research took him all over the hill tribes and border towns of Northern Thailand. In the villages he met many girls who had siblings in the sex trade and other exploitative work. They were asking Kun Sompop why he was researching and if he was a teacher. They said they wanted to go to school... one girl was scheduled to go to Pattaya, like her older sister. The girl said she did not want to go to Pattaya, because her older sister told her she would have to sleep with foreigners, and sometimes they are very fat and they hurt her a lot. Kun Sompop continued to say he gave the money he had to buy her text books... and that is how a 3 month temporary research project turned into 20 years of DEPDC I guess :S.

I have started loving these kids. It really is the reality of my essays that I wrote last year. I live in the reality... And I have to stop believing that people are just safe because I love them... because I recognize them and I know their names. I was talking with Tone, one of my students from Myanmar, about his family. I showed him by drawing on the board the people in my family and all my siblings: Simon and Jen and their kids, Naomi and Josh (Naomi's stick figure had a big belly!), and Jonna and Alison. I even drew our dog, Pippa. I'm so proud of my big family and love them SO much... haha, naively, I was excited to have a captive audience to listen to everyone's names and ages. I asked Tone if he had a brother. Yes. I asked if he had a sister. Yes. I asked him what their names are. He sat there, stunned for a bit. I asked again, slower and in a different way. He said he does not know. They both went to Bangkok and he does not even remember their names. I erased my crowd of white-out marker Canadian stick figures. Hm. Frustrated at myself and my obvious cultural ignorance, I drew Tone and his Mom, and his friends from school and our class instead.

Also. Brad and I were riding past some fields and I was looking out at the workers, thinking what good pictures I could take. And then I thought, if I put those pictures up people would tell me, 'wow! That's so cool! I can't believe you're actually there!'. So... my thought is... how did I get to be the person riding past on a motorcycle getting props for being 'there', and not the person working in the fields for a pittance, the person who makes it 'cool' and 'there'... yet goes home to a hovel every night... if they even have a hovel?

Mmm. yep. Just wanted to spill some thoughts...

oo! on a side note... this made me laugh... during his presentation to the University students Kun Sompop (in his very broken English) said a couple months volunteering is 'same same' with four years of University :S. He said a few months volunteering makes you realize why you are even at University. I think... that... speaking from someone that is very irresponsibly taking a break from her education, I would agree. I wish I was more educated for this job so I could give more, but I'm not sure I would have had the drive and focus and knowledge of how to be educated if I hadn't come, you know? That was one of my goals: to learn how I can be educated in order to be best used in this field. I'm excited to go back to school. I'm also very impressed with anyone reading this who has had the determination to be in school for four years straight... I will graduate... someday... I promise! Props to you ;).

Cheers friends...
. When ever I write a blog, I wonder, 'does this get read?'
. and I think... that even if it doesn't... I still like getting my thoughts out.
And Mom... I know you read my blogs ;) hehe.

where I live :)

2009-11-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

Here is my address;
a few people have been asking after it:

Nicola Gladwell
190/1 Moo 8 Soi 2
Wiengpangkham,
Mae Sai, Chiang Rai
57130 Thailand

You can see on the map where the NGO is: DEPDC. The main road is called, 'Thanon Yay' (big road). I live on one of the side roads (soi) right about where is says 'Chiang Rai'. Chiang Rai is the largish town an hour or so down the road. I hope you can see it... its a bit small.

Mm. today I am feeling overwhelmed :S.

cold days and warm milk

2009-11-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

I have been wearing my only pair of socks for the last couple of days in a row. I pulled out the Nepali sweater/jacket I made before I left, and have been wearing my only pair of pants as well. It’s winter in Thailand, and I had definitely underestimated what the temperature would be! After endless crystal blue, the last full week only had grey skies. So sad! My kids are wearing toques, earmuffs, balaclavas, and mittens. *sigh. Today I taught two of my classes outside with a little white-outboard on the lawn because it was too cold in the concrete-walled centre.

This week I have really enjoyed my friend Brad being here, being able to ride on his motorcy rather than biking everywhere, and sitting for hours chatting and reading in a coffee shop downtown. Recently we drove to a large cave south of here, borrowed a gas lantern, and wandered through cave tunnels for an hour. Yesterday we went to the second-highest mountain in Thailand, Doi Tung, a gorgeous forested peak that I can see out the office window. The top was mostly pine and the smell was both nostalgic and heavenly. I’m also enjoying sweetened warm milk. I don’t think the milk men know how much they mean to me...

I went to the little mission Church again this Sunday with Brad. Oh... those kids sound like angels. Really. After Church we were invited to have lunch with the teachers again and then played half-court basketball with some of the younger boys. It was so funny to see such a tall Dutch guy play with little Thais half his size... haha. Its awfully humbling to be called 'teacher' just because I am white. Even after Brad said he wasn't a teacher all the kids still called him that. Very humbling. Though, maybe its because they can't pronounce our names...

One thing that I’m having a really hard time with is planning lessons/creating syllabi without knowing what my students have learned (the last teacher took no lesson notes) and where I can take them from here. I feel like I understand the Thai language much more than the English language (if you have never tried to teach English before; let this be know: English has few rules; only some of them make sense, and all of them are always broken.). I have seven classes and no syllabi for any of them... and have so far planned 12-15 individual English classes each week.

I’m getting very attached to my little town, to the weekly highlights of church, the Sunday market, and going to the coffee shop. I feel like I haven’t had stability in such a long time… and believe it or not, these 6-7 months that I’ll be living here will be the longest I’ve lived anywhere at one time since… Bible College 4 years ago. It feels good :).

The high light of today was reading with some students after lunch. I wish I had volunteers to read with them! Practice helps SO much… I really think one book is far better than a 50 minute lesson. I had six kids sounding out the words at the same time while I held the book up for them all to read. If anyone has the books about Jane and Tom (See Jane run. Jane runs fast.) that build off each previous book's vocabulary… we need to have a chat. I can pay for postage if you’d like ;).

Right now my days are filled with lesson planning, trying to come up with ways to teach all the different levels in one lesson, forming syllabi, etc… I’m beginning to feel so comfortable and busied with teaching here that I am forgetting why I came. I often forget that these kids are so directly at risk of being exploited. How could they be? That happens to people know one knows, doesn’t it? Little Seelee-pong, Lannoi or Sang-dtee… they’re all becoming close to me, and thinking about what could happen in the future without huge preventative measures makes me burn with anger and weep at the same time (oh… and comes the tears. Why am I so emotional?). Even today some of my kids stopped calling me ‘Teacher’ in favour of ‘Phi Nicci’... a tag name inviting the person into one's family: Phi means ‘older sibling’. Yet, why do I have only three kids in grade six, and thirty-one in grade one? Walking through the villages around here you can point out every house that has external income… brightly coloured concrete buildings with gates and balconies right next to wooden shanties on stilts. I always tend to think the best of people and couldn’t bear to think of all the children in the community that would have had to be sent away for most of the houses to look like that… I still can’t believe it, but that’s what the Thai staff who have been here for twenty years say. *sigh. Anyway. I’m not trying to sensationalize, I’m just trying to remind myself of the reality that my growing bubble of comfort and joy sits right in the middle of. H’anyway. Love to you all.

Oh! I also got my first letter! Thank-you Owen Sound Alliance Church! Hurray! It's sitting on my desk :).

Blessings all.

Nicola

'my monks', and my first passenger!

2009-11-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Hello! Wow... so many good thoughts on my last blog.

I just got a wonderful e-mail from one of my best friends. Thank you God for friends. Seriously. Amazing invention.

This week I've started to teach at CLC- a Community Learning Centre on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. It's at the Centre here as well. My students are 6 Buddhist monks aged 16-22. It's interesting... I keep forgetting the rules :S. Monks are not allowed to touch girls in any way- even in passing, in sitting beside someone on a jostling bus, etc. I cannot even pass something directly to them. When I come beside them they move far away so they won't touch me; when I pass them a marker, they motion for me to put it on the table for them to pick up. The first time this happened I was slightly offended for a couple seconds before I reasoned with myself. I don't think it is because I am unworthy of passing something to them; I think they are intentionally avoiding any circumstances at all that would provide temptation. I respect that. That's cool. I do like making them laugh though :). Last night I had 'my monks' listening to 'Daddio'- my Neice's favourite song- on my ipod speakers, filling in the blanks of the lyrics I had them copy. Oh, I had to try hard not to laugh! If you've never heard the monk-rendition of 'Daddio'... it's worth a listen to :). I don't know where you would find one though...

A friend is also visiting me this week! One of the guys I tree-planted with in Thunder Bay is travelling SE Asia, and he's staying with us in Mae Sai for almost a week! It's so nice to have an other friend :). The first day he got here I 'picked him up' at Tesco on.... heck yes. My Tandem bicycle. Which is not actually tandem. We rigged up this sweet system of fitting his big backpack upside down in my front basket, he peddled, and I hung on on the back seat. After a test drive through the parking lot we tried it on the three-lane highway. I was so impressed! After we dumped his stuff off at my house we explored the town on our bike, taking turns peddling. Ah. My first ever passenger! :).

Cheers everybody! :)

thoughts of a curious economist

2009-11-16T17:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not a very math minded person... or economically, financially, or any of those either. BUT... I just want to comment on living in a society where everything isn't owned by corporations. We have Tesco 'Lotus', from England, and 7/11... two of which you can't really get away without going to. But everything else I can think of is privately owned or family run. With this structure, I can see how the economy would rise and fall very quickly when people get jobs or loose them. When I arrived, I thought I could only pay for rent... a mere $60 Cad a month. My budget didn't allow for anything luxurious... but now our landlord has my housemate and I teaching 12+ kids English in her front yard for four hours each weekend (I'm not quite sure how that happened). However, with this small added 'income' we can support our community by paying a house cleaner, and for a woman to do the laundry. I can even go and get hot milk more often.. yum. When my 'income' passes to the next hands, they can circulate theirs around the community too. I like this idea. I want to go back to school and learn more about this... I think they're on to something ;).

And... now I don't have to do my wash my own laundry by hand anymore :) hurray!

one week gone already :S

2009-11-15T20:45:00.001-08:00

Hi friends!
I arrived in Mae Sai on Friday, November 6th. So I've been here for just over a week. The pictures you see are of DEPDC, one of the soccer field and some low mountains, and one of the front of the main building. All the paintings are done by the kids and visiting volunteers- this one was done by a group from a University in Wisconsin that come every summer. The first floor is a meeting area and stage, and you can see the weaving looms in the room behind. The second floor houses all five classrooms, the education office, the foreign department office, and a small presentation/meeting room. The third floor is where the kids living at the Centre live. Tuesday I started classes for the Half Day School (HDS) here. In the mornings, DEPDC provides free schooling to kids in the community and from Myanmar who cannot attend school for a number of reasons (anything from being an 'illegal' migrant, to being 'stateless' --- not having a nationality, for example the hill tribe ethnicities in Thailand who are all born in Thailand yet are not legal citizens, etc --- to not having responsible parents). Some of the kids walk, some of the kids are picked up at the border in the DEPDC big metal school bus, and some are at risk in their homes and so live at the centre. At the HDS the kids are taught Thai (Many kids speak Burmese or hill tribe dialects), English (by me!), science, and math. There are six grades, and each grade gets two English lessons/week. In the afternoons they sometimes have different activities or workshops like cooking, agriculture, and broom-making.

So! In addition to writing grant proposals for the 'foreign committee' (aka the only people able to speak and write comprehensible English- Sarah from America, Jamie from England, and myself) this week, I feel like I have not merely survived, but thrived off my first week being here. Haha, yes. Last week we had a last minute grant proposal due and had to stay at the centre from before nine until after midnight some days... and then on Saturday we had representatives come to see the organization and we put together a presentation for them. I feel like I have been thrown in over my head and am struggling to keep myself from going under... but with everything I learn it gets easier and easier, I guess? This week I am starting my evening classes as well. Every weekday evening I'll teach at the Community Learning Centre (CLC) from six until 8; I think my students are mostly monks? But anyone is welcome, some HDS kids, some parents, etc.

A couple days ago (saam wan tii leeeow-- hmm I think I may be thinking in some Thai now... this is a good sign!) I saw a sign with a cross on it and followed it to see if I could find a Church. I found this warehouse-looking group of buildings and asked if they had Church on Sunday; after about 10 minutes of Thai-glish I learned that yes, there is Church on Sunday, and it is at 10:15. Great :) Yesterday I took my bike to the Church again and learned that it was actually a Christian mission boarding school for kids from hill tribes that had no access to education (its quite a huge problem in Thailand; women and children from hill tribe ethnicities are usually the most vulnerable to be exploited because there are so many factors working against them). I sat with a girl who greeted me and we sang contemporary songs that I didn't recognize; we then took out hymnals that were in Thai but had English titles! I hummed along to 'Come Thou Font of Every Blessing' and 'To God Be the Glory' and sung the English words I remembered. Oh, but then all the kids got up to sing at the front... in complete choir formation, multiple harmonies and different parts, these kids sounded like angels... I had tears running down my cheeks as I listened. I want to video or tape them so you can hear. Ach, amazing. Some girls showed me where they lived and slept, I ate lunch with the school teachers, and spent the afternoon talking and showing some of the girls how to knit under some trees in the yard. Hm. It was a good day. I promised I would come back next Sunday :). God is really, really good. Thank-you for praying :).

I am also really enjoying living with Sarah! Haha, I think I am so adaptable ;). I feel at home here already... Last night Sarah and I went to the Sunday market and to the Tesco Lotus for groceries, and then biked to our milk man's stall to get sweetened hot milk.. yum :). I also found a fresh market last week that has these... molasses/raw sugar rice pita things that I have fallen in love with. A little old lady cooks on a grill over a flower pot filled with coals. I have woken up an hour early a couple morning last week just to have one for breakfast :). I like having a milk man, a mollasses-pita lady, and the lady who also seems to buy molasses-pitas at the same time as me. I like seeing people I know from the Centre (and now from Church!) at the market and in town. I like being familiar to the couple who makes sushi at the market, and the woman who comes to clean our house. I like feeling at home :). Maybe it is my unconscious goal to be a 'local' everywhere I go... To sink myself into a community and a culture, yet live and learn with all the experience I've had in my previous and continuous communities and cultures.

One thing I love about the East Coast is how relaxed it is. No one seems to be in a hurry, and people always go out of their way to help you... I go to school there now, but when my family and I went to Nova Scotia a couple years ago, we decided we would be 'Nova Scotian' from then on. We loved the peaceful and un-rushed culture that it seemed to be. Take that... and multiply it by ten, and you will have a sense of the un-rushed culture that I live in right now. I was walking to an English lesson the other day and told Sarah, 'oh! I always feel like I'm rushing when I'm walking with anyone else!', Sarah, who has lived here for four months already, replied nonchalantly, 'That's because you are rushing.' *sigh. It's not about being productive, it's about building relationships. I hope I will learn this lesson well enough here to have it become a permanent part of me... or maybe learn to not rush/needlessly busy myself and still be productive (mm.. yes this would be good). Maybe we feel like we have to justify our existence by always having somewhere to be, somewhere we just came from, and so many things we have to do at one time. Hmm. I think I still have a long way to go ;).

Okay friends, next time I let it go for so long I'll make sure to put up little notes just to say I'm okay... I got a couple notes wondering if I had dropped off the planet or something, haha. Thanks for your care! It means so much to me to be loved!

Blessings friends,
Nicola

I have a shiny blue bicycle with a basket :)

2009-11-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody!

So, I am now moved in to a little house in Mae Sai. I'm currently living with an American named Sarah, but I think maybe after a couple weeks or a month we'll talk and see if it's working or not, etc. Right now I am loving having a fridge, a hot water heater for the shower (luxurious!), and my own room. I feel so spoiled :). It is in a little compound of three houses, owned by the landlady that lives in the front little house. Our house has two bedrooms, a little living room, a little kitchen, and a little bathroom. It's very little. But I like it. The sun streams through my bedroom window in the morning, along with noisy roosters (note: in Thai they don't have a word for a male chicken. They just call it chicken. I think if I couldn't sleep every morning because of male chickens, I would definitely name the dang thing... anyway),and Thai music. And. DEPDC lent me my very own bicycle to ride around town! It has one gear, big handle bars, and a big basket on the front--- oh! And a second seat on the back for a passenger! So if you come to visit... I've got transportation, hehe. It is my pride and joy... seriously ;). I arrived on Friday, had an all-day meeting on Saturday, a birthday party for a volunteer on Saturday night, I taught my first english lesson last night, and today I am writing for the 'foreign department' in the office. Classes start today officially, but I will start teaching tomorrow. I'm so excited!!

I also wrote because I wanted to share a newspaper article on the conflicts/potential conflicts in Myanmar. If the conflict between the Wa tribe and the Military (and anyone else who cares to join) go ahead (which undoubtedly will happen), there will be a lot of repercussions. It borders on sensationalizing, and it seems to worry more about what will happen to the availability of drugs more than anything-- but it's a great article to get an overview of what's happening on my side of the world right now.
You can find it at:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/06/world/asia/06myanmar.html?_r=1&emc=eta1

Alright! Hope you're all well. Thinking about you,
Nicola

hurrah!

2009-11-05T02:56:00.000-08:00

Hi there!

I've just come back from a shopping expedition elated! It was a daunting task... I wanted to find a gift for my Thai mom that would communicate how grateful I am. I wandered inside this little teak furniture shop with a budget... and I found a lovely teak and bamboo mirror for her bedroom, and I still had about 300 baht I could spend. Ah! Just as I was leaving I found an elephant holding a snowflake dish on it's trunk! K... it sounds dorky, but I was like, YES! I only bartered down 100baht... I am so picky with presents, but this one I feel SO happy with and I was so intimidated to try and put my gratitude in an object :S. *sigh. But... how perfect! Canada and Thailand in one gift! :).

Mmmm... I just had to share my happiness :).

Loy Kratung

2009-11-03T21:32:00.000-08:00

I need to write more often...

2009-11-03T20:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I woke up in a pool house to a crowd chanting early in the morning about floating their cares away...

Last week I finished my TEFL course in Chiang Mai, spent the weekend with friends I planted trees with in Ontario whom are making their way through SE Asia, and took the bus up to Mae Sie, a border town to Myanmar. I was picked up by a staff member from DEPDC (Development Education Program for Daughter’s and Communities). The NGO centred in Mae Sie works to prevent human trafficking, and has invited me, as a new and completely inexperienced English-teaching volunteer, on a five-day planning retreat. I was only at the centre for twenty minutes before we packed laptops, printers, spreadsheets and luggage into the truck and headed for Chiang Khong; a town bordering Laos to the East.

About a month before I flew here, I had a dream about the DEPDC centre. I hadn’t seen a picture of it, yet as I walked through the grounds and in the main building, what I saw was almost the spitting image of my dream two months ago. I dreamt of the wooden railings around the meeting area, the rounded arches and the white-washed stairs. I even dreamt of the material draped across the hall’s view of the third floor. Coupled with Sompop Jantraka’s comment about knowing intuitively that I was on the centre grounds and that he had known we were going to pop through the door any moment, the visit left me feeling quite unsure of what I had gotten myself into.

The planning retreat was great; I was completely in over my head, drinking in every story and every bit of information that I possibly could, and loving it. I helped finish a grant proposal to a charity provider in Switzerland, and am now working on the English ‘Master Proposal’ with the three other foreign volunteers. Needless to say, I am learning a lot. I also saw my friends from Canada again! Completely random, I had no idea they were in Chiang Khong, and we bumped into each other at a little Thai restaurant near Laos. I wonder how often chance meetings in Thailand happen? At the end of the retreat Khun Sompop (Thai for ‘Honourable/I respect you Sompop’... or something to that extent) invited me to stay at his house on Sunday night to meet his family. He had told me about his swimming pool he had built himself beside his house, and thought I might like to see it. This man had built an Olympic sized swimming pool for his kids and the team they coach: fourth place in Thailand (or Northern Thailand? I forget.), the team is entirely comprised of youth rehabilitating from trafficking situations who live at the DEPDC home in Mae Chan, where he lives. Khun Sompop had found that aqua-therapy had incredible results, but constantly transporting all the kids to swimming pools was so hectic, so he decided to learn how to build one in his back yard to save money. I slept in the guest house overlooking the pool. I can’t wait to show you pictures. His daughter showed me around her University on Monday morning and Khun Sompop brought me to the bus station in Chiang Rai so I could be with my Thai family for the festival, Loy Kratung.

Loy Kratung is a new-moon festival... ‘Loy’ means to float and ‘Kratung’ means a vessel of troubles/cares/worries/bad luck, etc. On the first week of November on the full moon you can float away your troubles in to the air with a floating lantern or down the river in a small bamboo craft decorated with folded banana leaves, flowers, incense sticks and candles – a gift to the river goddess. The sky is filled with large floating lanterns, and constant fireworks.

“Loy Loy Krathong, Loy Loy Krathong, Loy Krathong Gan Laew Koh Shern Nong Kaew Ook Ma Ram Wong...” is part of the chanting song, meaning, ‘Loy Kratung is here, everyone is happy, come and dance with me...” (or something like that).

So. I am encouraged. When Khun Sompop brought me to the bus station he treated me to some lunch; “while I am eating Khun Sompop, you can tell me another story!” while eating Kao Gai (rice and chicken) he recounted tales of government frustration with his NGO, and the difficulty in fulfilling their mission while at the same time trying to fit into all the standardized boxes charity funders and the government are trying to squeeze them into. Khun Sompop is... determined, welcoming, straightforward, and passionate about human rights, explaining charts and budgets in one moment, and fishing with tofu on a bamboo pole with me in the next moment. When I got on the bus, he grasped my hands, saying, ‘Nicci!’ (in Thailand I am ‘Nicci’, for ease of pronunciation), ‘I have a hundred more stories to tell you!’. Ah! I have a hundred ears to listen.

Mae Sai is surrounded by the highest mountains I have seen yet in Thailand. I rode on the luggage in the covered back of the truck on the 3 hour ride back from Chiang Khong and I couldn’t take my eyes off the scenery... it is so beautiful.

Mmm... please pray that I can find a Christian Community in Mae Sai. Though I felt somewhat that I should stay in Chiang Mai when I first arrived, I feel at peace about going to Mae Sai. Maybe at peace? More like... this is what I need to do right now. This is where I will learn the most. Hopefully. But... it’s not healthy to completely rely on my cyber community for prayer support and for Christian Community. I think there might be churches there, but none English. Hm. Church is important to me.

As I open my prayer book, this next month focuses on Solitude. The author writes, “Bonhoeffer and Vanier (two authors on intentional Christian Community) see solitude as something that works best when it is contrasted by intentional community because without togetherness, our solitude quickly becomes loneliness issuing into despair.” When asking of God, he always gives something we could never have imagined for ourselves. When we ask and surrender the outcome to God, it’s like saying, ‘Lord... please breathe your presence into this, and I’ll look forward to seeing the unique God-twist you put on the outcome’. Because... maybe he can see behind the plea and answer a deeper need, or just grasp the opportunity of your vulnerability to emphasize how much he loves you. So, we both must keep our eyes open to the ways that God blesses us, surprises us, and takes care of us... because he does and he will. Chai mai? (it’s true, yes?)

Blessings. You encourage me so much, in your being, in your intentional living, and in your faith. Thanks friends. :)
n.

is their hope?

2009-10-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

*groan. One of my new favourite writers is a recent graduate from my University; I had followed Ashley Burtch's blog this summer and make sure her writings get sent to my inbox. I am always so infused by her passion... but this time I went to a site that she wrote about: www.humantrafficking.change.org. I've just spent the last hour reading about trafficking around the world through real stories, criticisms and essays. Ashley... to avoid spewing all over my Thai bedroom, I think I will keep to your writing until my stomach gets a bit stronger...

Andrew Murray writes,
"Child of God! ... place yourself before His face and look up into it. Think of his wonderful, tender, concerned love. Tell him how sinful, cold, and dark everything is. The Father's heart will give light and warmth to yours".

I saw some friends at the market yesterday who are building a rehabilitation centre for trafficking victims just outside of Chiang Mai. They said they were driving to Mae Sot today (Monday) to pick of their first child: a little 8 yr-old Burmese girl, old enough already to have been sold, trafficked, enslaved, and rescued. So... what were you doing when you were eight? I was told Mae Sot also sees a bus of Burmese children pass through it's border each night on the way to 'factory jobs' and the like.

I was chatting with *Rorey again on Friday as we were planning our lessons for the orphanage. I think I might learn more from him in a few minutes than I do in a day learning TEFL. He was asking me what the biggest/only cause of human trafficking is. I felt like it was a trick question... so I tried to answer wisely because I want him to think I am smart... but, as I clearly proved I am more heart than smart (my friend and I were at the market yesterday and I bargained for two of one item to get a better price... thinking I did until I realized afterwards it was only twice of the first price.. oh nicola. this is what happens when you go to Bible College maybe...), he explained that the only real factor is economics. If a family has a choice to send a child away and recieve a higher wage, than that will be the reality. Even if they are told it is a 'factory job', chances are they are not so naive, and decided instead to turn a blind eye in favour of receiving more money. So- I wanted his opinion and what he saw as a 'solution'. Rorey said that modern Buddhism is too open for interpretation, and the pressure of making merit by donations too strong. He said that it is a rare person who would choose a lower paying job simply by morals or love for their child. I didn't expect his next thought and was caught of guard; I thought he might have numbers, a strategic plan of attack if only it would be adopted by NGO's, or something of the sort.
No, instead he talked about Jesus... he said that His love is the only thing powerful enough to convince people that there are more important things than making money- for the parents, the women, and the pimps. He said that following Jesus doesn't leave any room for abandoning your child, treating women as safety valves for the male sex drive, or enslaving and exploiting for profit.

Doesn't it seem too simple? What do you think? I just thought I'd put it up for discussion ;).

*sigh. "Tell him how sinful, cold, and dark everything is."

On a lighter note-- My friends Rachel Rauwarda and Amy Attas are visiting me right now on their way through SE Asia! It's so lovely to have them here... I don't want to say goodbye tomorrow night!

Blessings, and apologies for the somber thoughts... do we dare to hope for redemption?

Nicola

critical and liberating dialogue

2009-10-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

I found this exherbt from Freire's 'Pedagogy of the Opressed' on the blog series 'inward/outward', and I thought I'd pass it on as the thoughts and struggling contradictions are very relevant to where my mind and my blogs are at right now. :)

Critical and liberating dialogue, which presupposes action, must be carried on with the oppressed at whatever the stage of their struggle for liberation. The content of that dialogue can and should vary in accordance with historical conditions and the level at which the oppressed perceive reality. But to substitute monologue, slogans, and communiques for dialogue is to attempt to liberate the oppressed with the instruments of domestication. Attempting to liberate the oppressed without their reflective participation in the act of liberation is to treat them as objects which must be saved from a burning building; it is to lead them into the populist pitfall and transform them into masses which can be manipulated.
At all stages of their liberation, the oppressed must see themselves as women and men engaged in the ontological and historical vocation of becoming more fully human.

By Paulo Freire (Pedagogy of the Oppressed)

chewing on my words...

2009-10-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I have been thinking about my last blog post and feeling guilty that 'stupidity' was a bit harsh... I think I was a bit effected by some conversations I had that day as well, namely with a woman who did community development in Laos for many years. I can't even express how wonderful it is that people can see a need and take initiative to use what they know to meet some of that need. I had also heard my instructor say too many times that the place was, 'disgusting', 'such a mess', and that 'the administration doesn't ever change because one wouldn't want them to feel disrespected (in Thailand, 'losing face' is very grave)'. We don't know how to do anything else other than fix the noticeable needs that our western culture finds lacking. I'm not saying that I know how to do more; I just wanted to show that the world needs so much more than our money and the satisfied feelings we get when we think we are making their lives more and more... like ours? I'll try to talk to more experienced people about this and report to you later. I'll be chewing on this for a while. :)

I just sent out a (sort-of-weekly) e-mail, from which I will repeat a few things from it; if you've already read this, or would like to recieve e-mails, or are upset bc I forgot to add you to my e-mail list... I'm sorry, you'll have to fb me or e-mail me again :).

I went to an orphanage kind of place on Sunday and by the time I got there after Church, the rest of the TEFL trainee teachers had left bc 'there were no kids'... ahh... but I have learned that a football suddenly make kids appear out of nowhere! It’s like magic, seriously. Just appearing with a football on a garbage-strewn pitch somehow draws kids out of the woodworks. While I was playing with a couple of younger boys a handful of 13-yr old girls who had been gathering in numbers in the shade came over, "You, you!". Sweet! More players. Alas, my little boys ran off, only to appear with a stampede of 8-yr old boys a couple minutes later. "poo-ying!" "poo-chai!" ahaha... boys against girls... the pitch erupted into a mess of running bodies, garbage, and dirty bare feet. It was hilarious; flip flops flying everywhere and people piling up on top of the soccer ball. Cries of ‘poo-ying! (girls)’ and ‘poo-chai (boys)!’ and excited high- fives erupted each time a team scored. It was... hilarious.

A shy girl on the side lines ran over to deliver a sticky coca-cola candy to me while we were playing. I put my hands together and lifted them to my chin (chin for kids, nose for equals/adults, and forehead for monks); humbled I said thank you and made sure I told how 'arroy mak' it was (super delicious!). Ach, I am getting dangerously attached to these kids...

I also met my potential house-mate on Sunday night at the Sunday Market. She and her landlord/Thai teacher had come down for the weekend and had arranged to meet me. I got along really well with her and everything seemed to be going fine, but I think she has changed her mind and would like to keep living by herself. She said she swears a lot and wouldn't want to offend me as I'm 'religious'. *sigh. Anyway... so if she doesn't change her mind I have to find somewhere else to live when I get to Mae Sie; I'm hoping when I get connected to a Church there I can find a community-ish thing. I am so, so glad I have chosen to live with my Thai family while I'm in Chiang Mai. Last night we were making 'Moo Joom' for dinner, which consists of ripping apart lots of vegetables and stewing it in an electric wok. The pot simmers with ginger, bay leaves, and other things that I don't recognize and is added to and taken from constantly: pork, eggs, noodles, cabbage, etc. My job was to crush garlic and chilies in a pestle and mortar to make a spicy sauce (I was rubbing banana skins on my hand later... chili juice feels like a third degree burn I've realized), and my little brother Nong Tung was juicing limes. Tung said he thinks Moo Joom tastes so good because we make it together. Yes, Tung. I think life is a bit like that too... worth it, regardless of chili-juice ;).

Cheers! n.

bare feet is a great invention...

2009-10-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

Two things. Two people :). Just some thoughts.

One of my favourite people in my TEFL class is an American; he is Christian and his name is *Rorey. Rorey came here 5 years ago to teach english at a small Christian school and he is now expecting his first child with his wife, a Burmese hilltribe woman (I met her today... wow, she is so beautiful!). He and his wife and others smuggle themselves into Burma to work with his wife's tribe, called the 'Karen', who are mainly the tribes in the south that the Burmese army is targetting right now. The military wants complete control; the hilltribes want democracy and they will not comply, so the army is trying to corral the tribes into military-controlled areas, literally making them work for the army. If the hilltribes do not comply, the military hunts them down. Rorey and his group delivers medicine and rice to tribes on the run, and teaches in refugee camps (he speaks Northern Thai and a Burmese hilltribe dialect! I am so jealous). The army lays landmines and makes captured hilltribesmen walk in front of them to clear the way; they also lay them on trails and near signs; Rorey has friends that have died or are missing arms and legs from the landmines. There are many official UN refugee camps on the border of Burma, in Thailand. Many people run from Burma and end up in refugee camps, as migrant workers, the kids may make their way to orphanages (such as the temple dormitory school I am teaching at right now in Chiang Mai), but they can't speak Thai or English, and have no capital: everything they own they carry on their backs, and their villages have been desecrated and landmined by the army. In Chiang Mai (where I am right now), about 3 hours from the border of Burma, almost 100% of the sex workers are illiterate Burmese women and children. The sex trade is so massive and compled... it feeds off of poverty and war, and the innocent lives of hundreds of thousands of women and children. Ach.

second. Today I saw the caring stupidity of western compassion. *sigh. It is beautiful... but kind of redundant. A western man came to talk to us today while we were at the orphanage about how disgusting the place looked a year ago when he arrived for the first time: hundreds of boys slept in one concrete room with a couple folding mats, they had one computer in the school for a teacher to demonstrate on, etc. This man created a charitable organization to raise money in order to buy paint and bunk-beds, and later, mattresses. Now the big cement room has bunk-beds and a green wall... and the government has agreed to donate computers and projector.... which is lovely, but this is probably the first time these kids have ever slept on a bed: they are accustomed to sleeping on the floor with their families. Secondly, the new mattresses are sitting in a pile in storage, because, unless you you live a town house or in a hotel in Chiang Mai, you don't have a mattress (you should feel my bed... seriously). The monks taking care of them don't know what to do with them, or how to take care of them (I've just investigated my bed... I thinks it's a Styrofoam block... I am actually very fortunate). Yet, though they have bunk-beds and unused mattresses (though no mosquito nets) the orphanage is in shambles and the administration is terrible. There are four monks taking care of hundreds of kids; the children are left alone other than when teacher's come during school hours during the week. What it needs is teaching on health and sanitation, mentoring and counseling, awareness of child abuse (who knows what goes on in unsupervised dormitories), administration/organization skills, and a trained nurse on site.... *sigh, not mattresses. Thankfully, they are bringing in a woman to teach the girls how to comb lice out of their hair. Community development and sustainability among local people is so, so, crucially important.

I have been so stressed with school and Thai lessons this week... I am looking forward to the end of the course very much; I am exhausted. I have Monday and Tuesday off this week and am hoping to visit a rehabilitation centre some friends I met are building outside of Chiang Mai for trafficked victims through their organization called 'COSA' (Children's Organization of South East Asia). They currently have six girls waiting to come, as the half-way house these girls were staying at had been closed by the government.

Well... Cheers everyone! Thanks for the Thanksgiving wishes!

with love,
Nicola

ps. Ah, nothing is better than having your feet stuck in shoes all day and then traipsing about it bare feet. Mmm... I went for a walk after school today and a man asked me why I didn't have any shoes on. I answered, 'Pra wa nii mai choop kha'. 'Because I don't like them'. And that's all there was to it :).

*I changed his name as he was a bit wary about telling me his stories; what he's doing is completely illegal... so just in case ;).

Suprised by Grace

2009-10-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

Mmmm... my me-ness is prodded alive as I proudly communicated a wall in my spiritual journey to a friend over e-mail just now... ah, it's like boredom sets in when I'm too lazy to reach inside; boredom and lethargy. It's good to take time and make friends with your insides. I think one's soul barely hints at its wisdom; it patiently waits until you dare to be brave, and then whispers of unity begin; when one's insides and outsides are talking about the same thing and you both agree that crowds and noise and busyness is quite over rated...

May we not be afraid that Jesus will leave when we are in his presence,
that we should leave before we give him the chance to abandon us.
May we face this risk of abandonment in trust,
by baring our heart,
'behold thee, I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance with Joy...'.
Show us your character,
and the thought of abandonment will cease to have meaning or relevance.

Ah. Today I made my first entire Thanksgiving meal ever. Well... as entire as a Canadian Thanksgiving feast can be replicated in northern Thailand ;). After arranging to cook at the only house I know with an oven, my brother Ad and I set out to go shopping for our meal! I had agreed with myself that no expense would be too much; that this was special and I would offer my thanks to my family and to God. Oh- how fun! Communicating to Ad in Thanglish is always an adventure. Most of the time he gives up and calls his girlfriend to translate for us over the phone. Terms like 'flour' and 'cooked chicken' are essential to communicate, yet one would be suprised how hard it is to do so... anyway, after we visited a couple grocery stores in order to find yeast to make bread, and I was overjoyed to find shortening for my pie crust, I set to work! By the time I was done at my friend's house, it was seven-thirty in the evening (I was a little confused about how to turn the oven on... and am really hoping I turned it off right!) and I had only two Apple Pies and two loaves of bread made. I, disappointed in myself, called Khunme (my Thai Mom) and told her that she would have to take the boys out to eat; I still had to buy and make the vegetables and it would make more sense for us to just have a Canadian dessert: 'My! (no!), We are very excited! It is okay! We had snack and we are my hue (not very hungry)'. Ad picked me up and after we went to buy vegetables and had cooked them, it was past nine when we finally sat down to eat... though I was disappointed in myself (it ended up being a meatless meal as well), it was the first time that we had more than two or three people around the dinner table, and the TV was actually off! All day I had been thinking how I would love to pray before dinner, and wondering if I could translate something in to Thai, etc. After I had explained why we have Thanksgiving in Canada, I looked at Tung (my littlest brother), on the other end of the table, and he folded his hands. Looking at me, I asked, 'yes?', he looked confused and started putting a sentence together in English but then was self conscious and stopped; Khunme put her hands together too- 'we will pray?'. Ach, I almost started to cry. Yes, I will pray. Oh, even as I write I cry. This is my God- who knows what I need and knows I am weak and a coward, who works through the heart of a child, and surprises me with grace.

Yes, I will pray. I thanked Him for the food and invited Jesus into this household. Yes please.

Oh, the joy of a table full of food and people is a great thing, isn't it? My home-made bread was devoured, and Tung enjoyed eating raw carrots for the first time, pretending he was Bugs Bunny... and after not being able to stop them from eating my Apple Pie as a first course as well, we enjoyed the ice cream along side the corn. This night was really special for me.

While we waited for the potatoes to boil in her electric wok, I was given grace even when I messed everything up. When I was late. When I don't know what to do about paying her for my room. When I need time for me and hole up in my room for the evening. She boasts about my cooking. 'Khunme, you make me feel so special.' 'Nicci! You! you make me very special too!'.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! :)

Nicola

'Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul. ~Montaigne~

2009-10-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

What can I possibly write about? I haven't been able to write because the blogging instructions were in Thai and I only just found the button that allows me to make a new post :).

Ach, my heart breaks. For the past two days I was teaching 12-14 year-old girls at the Wat Don Chan orphanage. Today I taught for an hour in the morning, and then we played games; one hour of teaching again, and then one hour of games. I brought elastics with me and we braided each other's hair, and later in the afternoon I started a soccer game in the field. I love the look on the boys' faces when they see a girl play soccer. I want to break this stereotype; usually they don't let me play unless I actually start the game.

The only people I have ever been frustrated with in Thailand are 'Farangs', foreigners. My TEFL instructor is from Florida and he drives me up the wall! After warning us all week about Thai time (I'm on time for everything for the first time in my life!), how administration is terrible, how some Asian countries don't hire employees unless they have studied or lived in America for a couple years, and how we have to be super flexible--- he takes the liberty to tell the four monks who single handedly run the orphanage of 700 kids who have all different dialects from different hill-tribes, and who have been orphaned by HIV Aids, that they have lost face (lost respect, etc- a very serious offense in Thailand), because the kids were half an hour late coming back from lunch (which was late because all the meals are donated by people in the village- not an overly reliable system). He called the taxis and we drove back to the University rather than teaching and playing for the rest of the day. Ach! The only flexibility I had to practice yesterday was giving grace to a pompous, power-hungry, hypocritical Farang. And then having to listen to the older men in my class talk about Thai women, ach! Farangs drive me up the wall. Thais, I have no problem with and absolutely adore; the only people I clash with in this culture are those from my own side of the world.

Speaking of, I told my friend Ek last night that I wish I had dark skin so I wouldn't stand out; he said it is just because I am different. Farangs don't stand out in the city, but where I live on the backroads I stick out like a sore thumb! I feel like they look at me as though I managed to escape the nice confines of the tourist district... a place I avoid like the plague! I have to be thankful that the colour of my skin gives me opportunities in Thailand that other don't have: the ability to talk to the wealthiest person as well as the poorest; in a hierarchical culture, it is definitely on my side to not fit into a defined part of the hierarchy.

Nevertheless, currently I am frustrated. Frustrated at my inability to communicate with Thais, and frustrated with my own culture. I have joined an advanced Thai class at the university to make myself work very hard to catch up in between classes. I almost know all my letters! I can buy a Thai/English dictionary when I know how to spell, as all the dictionaries I have seen don't have the Thai in phonetics (not very helpful).

Lastly, I have tried to explain to my Thai family that tomorrow is a holiday in Canada because we are so thankful for the harvest and the food that has grown, and that we celebrate with a big feast. I have told them that I will make a Canadian thanksgiving meal for them and the workers at the math school my family owns. When I explained this to my little brother Tung, he replied, 'I no eat! my arroy! no spicy!'... 'Tung, but I make it for you!', 'ok. I eat. but I put lots of spicy!'. Ohhh my. Haha, I'll let you know how it goes. :)

Blessings!!

rating importance is a risky business.

2009-09-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

I was just recently in Lawson's book store, downtown Owen Sound. Picking up Don Miller's new memoir, 'A Million Miles in a Thousand Years', I read his first paragraph and agreed with him: there are more important things in life to strive for than to own a volvo...