Suprised by Grace

Mmmm... my me-ness is prodded alive as I proudly communicated a wall in my spiritual journey to a friend over e-mail just now... ah, it's like boredom sets in when I'm too lazy to reach inside; boredom and lethargy. It's good to take time and make friends with your insides. I think one's soul barely hints at its wisdom; it patiently waits until you dare to be brave, and then whispers of unity begin; when one's insides and outsides are talking about the same thing and you both agree that crowds and noise and busyness is quite over rated...

May we not be afraid that Jesus will leave when we are in his presence,
that we should leave before we give him the chance to abandon us.
May we face this risk of abandonment in trust,
by baring our heart,
'behold thee, I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance with Joy...'.
Show us your character,
and the thought of abandonment will cease to have meaning or relevance.

Ah. Today I made my first entire Thanksgiving meal ever. Well... as entire as a Canadian Thanksgiving feast can be replicated in northern Thailand ;). After arranging to cook at the only house I know with an oven, my brother Ad and I set out to go shopping for our meal! I had agreed with myself that no expense would be too much; that this was special and I would offer my thanks to my family and to God. Oh- how fun! Communicating to Ad in Thanglish is always an adventure. Most of the time he gives up and calls his girlfriend to translate for us over the phone. Terms like 'flour' and 'cooked chicken' are essential to communicate, yet one would be suprised how hard it is to do so... anyway, after we visited a couple grocery stores in order to find yeast to make bread, and I was overjoyed to find shortening for my pie crust, I set to work! By the time I was done at my friend's house, it was seven-thirty in the evening (I was a little confused about how to turn the oven on... and am really hoping I turned it off right!) and I had only two Apple Pies and two loaves of bread made. I, disappointed in myself, called Khunme (my Thai Mom) and told her that she would have to take the boys out to eat; I still had to buy and make the vegetables and it would make more sense for us to just have a Canadian dessert: 'My! (no!), We are very excited! It is okay! We had snack and we are my hue (not very hungry)'. Ad picked me up and after we went to buy vegetables and had cooked them, it was past nine when we finally sat down to eat... though I was disappointed in myself (it ended up being a meatless meal as well), it was the first time that we had more than two or three people around the dinner table, and the TV was actually off! All day I had been thinking how I would love to pray before dinner, and wondering if I could translate something in to Thai, etc. After I had explained why we have Thanksgiving in Canada, I looked at Tung (my littlest brother), on the other end of the table, and he folded his hands. Looking at me, I asked, 'yes?', he looked confused and started putting a sentence together in English but then was self conscious and stopped; Khunme put her hands together too- 'we will pray?'. Ach, I almost started to cry. Yes, I will pray. Oh, even as I write I cry. This is my God- who knows what I need and knows I am weak and a coward, who works through the heart of a child, and surprises me with grace.

Yes, I will pray. I thanked Him for the food and invited Jesus into this household. Yes please.

Oh, the joy of a table full of food and people is a great thing, isn't it? My home-made bread was devoured, and Tung enjoyed eating raw carrots for the first time, pretending he was Bugs Bunny... and after not being able to stop them from eating my Apple Pie as a first course as well, we enjoyed the ice cream along side the corn. This night was really special for me.

While we waited for the potatoes to boil in her electric wok, I was given grace even when I messed everything up. When I was late. When I don't know what to do about paying her for my room. When I need time for me and hole up in my room for the evening. She boasts about my cooking. 'Khunme, you make me feel so special.' 'Nicci! You! you make me very special too!'.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! :)

Nicola

'Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul. ~Montaigne~