just thoughts.

I had dinner at my Burmese friends' house tonight :). I also started teaching at the little Burmese migrant school today. I will teach Monday, Tuesday, and Thursdays from 12:30 until 3:15; grades 3 and 4. I also convinced the teachers at DEP to allow me to have the grade 2's and 5/6's every Wednesday afternoon so we can prepare a Peter Pan theatre production for the end of term.

It was so cute today... I don't know Burmese (only a few words) so I must only rely on charades, my drawing abilities, and their english to communicate with my students at the little Burmese school. One girl stood up and held her index finger to her lips, and motioned that she wanted to go out. I allowed, and a couple minutes she was at the door again with her finger to her lips. I couldn't understand what she wanted, and had to call an other teacher over-- in the end all she wanted was permission to come back in the classroom! Wow. Totally different culture. I don't understand anything all over again :S.

-- The picture is from the night of Burmese Carolling --

I sat with my Burmese 'Karin' friends Orang, Gaywaa, Menut, and Seng tonight after dinner in their little kitchen at the Bible College that they go to. There are... four students. Menut is the translator because Seng doesn't speak English very well. An other student lives in Tachilek (border town just across the river in Myanmar) most of his time because he is planting a Church in the dump there. It is a Bible College, but's its in like... a big house :). I think I'm fond of those kind of places ;). Anyway... I'm at a loss. I think I need to phone up my friend in Chiang Mai again- the one who's married to a Burmese 'Karin' woman. I just want to be friends... yet... we live such different lives. I am becoming more and more ashamed of my white face. I want to kiss their feet; declare that I don't know why I was born in Canada, that I don't know why they were born in Burma. Why I can travel the whole world with the money I made in two months, and they will never be able to leave Myanmar for more than six days. Why Menut only had one set of clothes until she was in high school, why I can speak the most influential language in the world without any effort or cost, why... *sigh.

I posted my message.
and then have come back and edited it. I deleted more than half of it I think.
Is that allowed?
Can I edit my thoughts to you?

I'm scared to appear dumb. Scared to admit that I'm falling in love with these people. Scared of my own cowardice by only commiting six months. Scared of going back to my own life in Canada and leaving people here, as an adventure, as 'real live Burmese people', as blog stories, as characters in a BA thesis... to have the freedom to come and go... it kind of makes me want to throw up. How can I leave these people and just go back to my life? I also deleted garble about how easy it is to love people when you know you have a time limit and how hard committed loyal relationships are. I am not worthy or experienced enough to represent either subject.

Just weak, just ordinary, just trying, just like you,
nicola