Pringles and Canadian idealism

I did it. I clicked the 'new post' button. :) I am so proud of myself!

I struggle; with a contradiction.
Mrs. Barth said that we're all equals.
No one is better or worse than anyone else,
Colouring the white face beside the black, beside the brown.
'Red and yellow, black and white, we are precious in his sight...'

My mind adamantly screams, 'we are equal!'
yet my friend Menut, tells me again how blessed her family was to have me in their house.
me!
That her Mom never believed they would actually have a foreigner in their house.

My mind stubbornly states, 'there is no different between me and you!'
and I can say that, because I'm richer than they are.
If they were to say that, it would be a joke. and they would laugh.
and we would hide the UDHR behind our backs, smile nervously, and back away.

Ach! I'm not trying to write to rise emotions. I just don't know how to deal with what I see here. I've decided I don't have culture shock, I culture fatigue. I'm tired from seeing so many kids not loved. From seeing so much in justice. As an educated Canadian, I'm exhausted from seeing so much inequality. Though, probably not as tired as my 'equals' here who work long hours building houses in flipflops, or who drag bags of recycling across the city with a baby on their hip to make the 10Baht or so from a bag of bottles, or even those who cook noodles all day to make a pittance.

It's just that... we all like to hear something that makes us feel good, but there's so dang much in the world that we just can't feel good about.

Did you know that there are 300 million people in China who make less than one dollar a day? Phew! That's ten times the amount of people IN Canada! I always said, 'well, that's not that bad, their currency is worth a lot less than ours.' But... even on the other side of the world you can barely keep from starving/freezing on one dollar day. And it gets really cold during the winter. To fight for the right to live is a little less than the full potential available for humanity.

So, as I walked home from Tesco Lotus on a depression-fueled shopping trip after I had visited an other NGO kid's shelter this morning, I devoured a 'convenienze-sized' packet of Pringles, and two cinnamon buns. I also bought TimTams and a little container of Yeast, so I can attempt to make bread in my little toaster oven. I walked past the school where two girls I know attend, who shouted out their classroom window, 'Phi Nicci!! bai nai?' (Older sister Nicci! Where are you going/whats up?). I also met the man down my street who always attempts to speak English to me and who actually kind of creeps me out a bit... he asked me where I had been, and that he thought I went back to 'America'... 'no, no, I haven't... I bike here every morning and every night, like usual... 'okay, see you later...' So, I walked on, him with a dejected look on his face like he had been waiting to talk to me for 3 weeks and I had just blown him off, and depressed me with my outrageously priced bag of potato chips feeling like I don't know how to do anything right. *sigh.

And that's where my head is at :).
I'm not usually sad. I'm usually quite happy. Tired, but happy.
But, sometimes reality hits me.
That we're all not living adventures, and when I go home in two months, they will still be here. Year after year. That they're not just playing parts in a play, and I just happened to get a sweet role. Hm.


These are my grade ones :).
When I get depressed about the inequality of life I like to go on my friend Katie's blog at http://kfar.blogspot.com/ . She lives in Budapest and she creates stuff. And it's refreshing.

I also bought a chocolate chip cookie mix today and am excited to see if I can make cookies in my toaster oven... :)